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Sunday, January 08, 2006

How can I say "herpes is JUST a virus"?

One poster on a herpes support board, challenged me with this question.

This was my reply to her:

Well, I believe you're directing this response to me and if you will re-read what I wrote.....and always write....Herpes is just a virus to ME (I can't speak for everyone else). I am fully aware that herpes treats everyone's body differently and for ME it has taken 17+ years to "GET OVER IT".

I have shed MANY a tear, before I had access to the internet, a place to share my experiences, fears etc. I lived in denial for 10 of those 17 years, maybe not denial so much (because I wouldn't sleep with someone if I wasn't having an outbreak), but who the heck knew there was something called asymptommatic shedding?? Who knew?? and I certainly wasn't going to have an open discussion with someone when I would be sooooo ashamed....... OK, I could go on and on and on, but I won't. The bottom line is, Herpes DOES NOT define who I am. I don't have lots of obvious outbreaks andI might add, I don't NEED a man to define me. I am not on daily supression, in fact, I've NEVER taken a valtrex in MY LIFE!!!

I have had the pleasure of being a mom (13 year old son) whom I might add, I delivered him vaginally and did not pass herpes on to him. For me, the fact that herpes is ONLY a Virus to ME is huge, because I have many more pressing things going on in my life at the present time. High cost of fuel to heat my home (it's killin' me), credit card bills and high interest rates, not making 6 figures, but to be honest, I don't think it would solve any of my problems.

ALL of my family members know about the fact that I have herpes. I have told many of my friends that I have herpes and for me, telling people, saying the word HERPES out loud many times has gotten me to a place where it truly is NOT a big deal, nor is it a dealbreaker for me. Having this confidence about it, did not happen overnight, but only through time and by allowing those of you who are new to this realize that others can be OK about having herpes, should reassure you that in time, you too will get comfortable in your new skin. I AM NOT ashamed of it, but yet, I don't try to get too close to anybody too soon. I live with the belief that a friendship or companionship and someone who agrees that a prenuptial agreement is THE only way to go (there again, my opinion ;-) then I find it's NOT worth the hassle of being with someone. Sure, I'd love to meet Mr. Right and have him come live with my son and I in this great state of Pennsylvania, living in the country, being able to hunt and fish whenever and where ever he wanted to or just enjoy the peace and quiet of the night sky, but I'm not holdin' my breath!!

lol...sure sounded like a personal ad huh ;-) lolol So yes......I can honestly say that HERPES is JUST a virus to ME!!! You might not be there quite yet and believe me, I do have compassion for those of you who are where you are now, but what I need to remind you is don't let having herpes consume you. You need to retrain the way
you think about it, that's all. It might sound simple as I put it, but you have to convince yourself and get used to you before anyone else will be able to accept you for the beautiful spirits that you are, with or without herpes. Having herpes is NOT the end of the world. But it will take time for you to work through this process.

One day, you'll say Thank you, for making you realize that you too could get to where you are. I'm not the only one who feels this way folks and trust me when I say, WE DO UNDERSTAND, but it doesn't behoove you to keep wallowing in your own self pity.

Get over it I say!!! :-) Shit Happens!!!

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Blogger Alison said...

Go for it girl! You're right, it's a process - and we're all at different stages of the process.

Herpes taught me about love and self acceptance. I think it has something to teach everyone, if we only stop and think.

Wishing you well, Alison

Wednesday, January 11, 2006 10:25:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Thank you Alison. It has not been easy, but I have a choice, happiness or sadness :-) I choose to be happy and to accept myself.


Wednesday, January 11, 2006 4:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there. I am a 46 year old single woman who got herpes in 1989 from a partner who had prodromal symptoms on his lips under his mustache...well, that's not where mine showed up! (LOL) I once found a great "letter to someone who was just told their partner has herpes" on a support site--wish I could find it again...but this is it essentially. With ALL the things to worry about in the world, worrying about a virus that is essentially no more than an inconvenience and is only stigmatized in the WEST when it's below the belt, and mostly in the US! God bless those Puritans...look, we need to educate, especially young people, that herpes is nothing...nothing...it can't kill you, the odds of it hurting a newbborn can be minimized to almost zero. You are safer with someone who HAS herpes and knows it, than with the rest of the world, 70% percent of which have it and are probably asymptomatic--especially men, who don't have all those warm wet cozy spots for viruses to hang out. There are many wrestlers and rugby players who give each othe herpes on other body parts from having broken sking contact during the sport...you think they're not having sex??? Have intimate relations with someone you love is more important in the grand scheme of life than a rash and a virus. Really. Let's spread the word instead of the virus--lighen up about herpes...it's just a cold sore that travelled south. With a minimum of care, you are better equipped to prevent spreading it than anyone else, because you KNOW and are armed with knowledge. I take daily Valtrex...makes me feel better to have the added protection. I have actually read sites where young people become suicidal over this--oh my god, what a tradegy that would be. It's a societal cultural problem that we need to help fix. Love and best of luck to all. Michele M. Rossi, LCSW

Monday, August 14, 2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Amen Michele!! I feel the same way. Agree with everything you said. To this day, I've not been required to take Valtrex by a loved one and my outbreaks are so minimal, sometimes, I'll go for years at a time w/out an obvious outbreak, and I do realize there is shedding too, but really, it's not the end of the world, living with this virus. Thank you for taking the time to add your two cents. :-)


Monday, August 14, 2006 12:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Lydea said...


This is so inspiring! I was diagnosed with GH (type 1) two years ago and I have had the hardest time disclosing my status, especially since I hear a lot of people talk about herpes with disdain. I know that they don't know what they're talking about, but it's hard to accept you're on the other side of the fence. It brings tears to my eyes that one day, I may grow to fully accept my herpes status, and fully realize that herpes will only inhibit my life as much as I let it! I know life is so much more than herpes, but sometimes the stigma can leave you lonely. Thank you so much for choosing happiness, and choosing to write about it.

Friday, December 22, 2006 12:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you, Michelle, for your story too! You are so right! All of you give me newfound confidence.

Friday, December 22, 2006 12:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you, all of your stories inspire me. (eyes swell with tears) i have been on a roller coaster since i found out. i have only disclosed to my closest friends and an ex boyfriend. i pray that one day i will have the confidence that you women have. thanks again.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 2:29:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

I'm so glad that all of you have been finding comfort in my thoughts and others as well. It's so helpful to know that we're not alone and that having herpes is NOT the end of the world. Keep posting your thoughts and feelings and don't hesitate to keep coming back. There are only so many things which one can say about herpes and I needed to do this blog for me too. I'm glad there are others out there who are finding hope in my words :-)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 3:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen to that sister...I agree with the original post..IT'S JUST A VIRUS!!! I, too, was devastated and went through the whole lonliness, condemed for life, leper feeling. I was lucky enough to have a conversation with someone 21 years ago when I was first diagnosed. He was a father figure to me. I was hysterical crying to him, and his response, was "so what? my wife gets it on her mouth...it's no big deal" We all get colds, the flu, poisen Ivy (you can get from contact with other people)...but because you get a blister on your sexual region, it's taboo. We need to get out of the dark ages and get OVER it. I agree with Allison too, it has something to teach everyone.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:11:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

I concur. It really is rather ridiculous when you stop to think about it. Crazy world of "ever so imperfect, perfect people" we surround ourselves with huh. It's simply ridiculous. I have herpes friends who are dying of worse things than their herpes. If they were still alive, I'm sure they'd be wishing that's all they ever had was herpes.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 8:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You were very firm about your feelings and I appreciated your post. I have had herpes for now three years. I just got out of a relationship with the man who intially gave it to me. I have been crushed and had low self-esteem for many years about this.I let this same man run all over me and probably dp this to other women. Enough is enough! You are right herpes does not define me and life goes on.Once again thanks!

Sunday, May 24, 2009 9:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ive been living with herpes since I was 16 (now 21)- actually, I got it from the first boy I ever had sex with. I wish I had seen this blog when I was first diagnosed because I cant tell you enough how much it would have meant to me. Although I cant say I have totally accepted myself, I must tell you- YOU ARE AMAZING. I wish I could be as strong as you, and desperately hope I one day am.
Currently I am facing having to tell the first guy Ive allowed myself to like and to want a future with since finding out I have herpes. Your words have helped me better prepare myself, and I want to thank you.

Monday, May 25, 2009 10:48:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

you're welcome anonymous poster from:
Sunday, May 24, 2009 9:05:00 PM
and to anonymous poster from:
Monday, May 25, 2009 10:48:00 PM

You are so welcome and good luck with that new guy. Just remember that if he doesn't accept you, don't give up. If he really cares as much about you as you do him, then he'll love you no matter what because after all, it's JUST a virus :-)

Thursday, May 28, 2009 6:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know if this blog is still active since the last comment was made in May 09. But last summer I was diagnosed with type 2. I hadn't been sexually active for years. I got the regular flu, woke up one day to one small pimple on my genitals. Doctors didn't even know what it was! Could you imagine! I insisted on getting the blood test which indeed came back positive.They weren't even going to test me because they said it was a viral rash! HA! The most humiliating part was my good friend worked the desk and delivered lab results. So not only was I devastated but I worried that she would tell or even judge me. Months later, I'm doing just ok with it. I cry sometimes, and hate myself. Especially at this age (25) when everyone is getting married and having kids and here I am wondering now if anyone will even accept me. Sometimes I feel lonely and completely lost. Your posts and comments had me in tears, because after educating myself, there can sometimes be NO way of telling if someone had the virus. I had minimal partners, all of whom were long term boyfriends. It really isn't a big deal, and people go through worse, but the stigma is really the bigger issue. And it is a shame. Thank you for posting your thoughts.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010 8:50:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Good morning. Yep, I'm still alive and kickin' and read everything which other folks write in the comments section. Thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts :-) I hadn't read this post in a very long time myself and got reinspired all over again by my own dang words - lol - funny huh, so thank you for bringing this topic back to the forefront.

It amazes me how little some Dr's know about herpes. Simply amazes me!! Sounds like you must live in a rural community, esp. if you're concerned about the receptionist flapping her gums (believe me, I can TOTALLY relate to that concern), but as I mentioned earlier, now, every opportunity that I get to mention herpes to health care professionals, I do it now. Each time I "tell" it continues to give me more and more strength and I tell them too "it's JUST a virus" and they all agree and are amazed by my attitude. Mind you, I also tell them that yes, I do tell if I need to (except when I'm dreaming -lol-)

I'm 48 years old and still have not gotten married, but I have other issues which have gotten in the way (being overweight) and I believe that in the past, I used my being overweight to protect me from having to "tell" and no one showed any interest and I wasn't ready to deal with it quite yet anyway. I haven't given up hope, still want to spend the rest of my life with that "some man special" and have taken steps to improve my weight (have lost 112 lbs in the past year), so eventually, I'll be reposting again as my life journey, living with herpes continues. I'm anxious and excited, but as long as I hold onto my beliefs, I'll be OK and I'll still be able to hold my head high. (I'm moving this to a main post too.)

I agree, the stigma which surrounds herpes is definitely the downer. Big time!!

Hang in there girl. You'll be just fine. Fortunately, I can be proud, knowing that I have raised a very strong young man all on my own. That alone gives me so much pride. I've paid for my life, all on my own, without the help of a man, but yet, I still miss the hell out of having that someone special in my life...

All in good time :-)


Friday, January 15, 2010 10:27:00 AM  
Anonymous budta16 said...

im 16 and my boyfriend gave me herpes i know he did because i went to the doctor when we first got together to get tested and all my std test came back neg and i decide to have sex with him and since he only had sex twice with one person i didn't think he needed testing done but after a while he had a breakout i went to the doctors agin to find out i had herpes and i thought my life would be over intill me and him sat down and talked to figure out what happen and he told me he use a condom with his ex but condoms must not work cause we both have it now he just didn't want to believe he gave it to me cause hes only 15 i told him nomatter what i will still be with him and he told me the truth that his ex gave it to him and i wonder why it take so long for him to tell me our baby could of been effected but God protected her we had a healthy 9 pound 8.3 ounces little girl and when i turn 19 and he turns 18 we will be getting married and also i didn't have a breakout yet but he had maybe 2 or in the past 6months

Thursday, April 08, 2010 2:06:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to budta16: Hi there and thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience.

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but you will be OK. Just need to wrap your mind around it.

Also, I can't stress this enough....you are so young to be "settling" for this guy. Having herpes is NOT the end of the world and you are still growing. Please don't let herpes determine who your life partner is going to be.

And yes, you can still get herpes, even with a condom and as you have figured out, all it takes is ONE time to have sex and become infected. He was wrong in not telling you about his herpes, but I also understand how difficult it is to tell. He's not alone and neither are you. I had a normal vaginal delivery with my son as well and he didn't get herpes.

Best wishes to you and take care.

Friday, April 09, 2010 11:57:00 AM  
Anonymous budta16 said...

thanx for the advice luanne:but i finally got the truth from my boyfriend ex she told me she and my boyfriend was datin for a year and she never kissed him or let hiim touch her but she thought a condom would prevent giving him herpes so she never told him then she found out it dnt and brokeup with him so he never knew and he was only 12 at the time and i was 13 and i wonder y dnt they test pregnant girls for herpes i was 13 and pregnant with the virus and didn't know till i turn 16 and pregnant agin by the same person and he jus started gettn breakouts this year that wat made me get tested all because of his ex not sayn anything but she had got it for having sex with her step father at 12 and got 2 kids by him and now there married she iz now 17 and don't care dat she spread it to 23 or more people and she is proud of it but she was lucky we wer over the phone talking but i love my boyfriend and im staying with him i jus hope the best with this pregnancy

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 2:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

Thank you for your blog, this really means a whole lot to me.
I recently had what I believed was a horrible yeast infection only to find no aid, and than began seeing the herpes symptoms. Yesterday (this is all very new for me) my doctor told me she was very certain it was in fact Herpes. She has sent off the smear test and I'll know for sure the results in 5 days, however, I'm very confident...I infact have herpes. I'll turn 22 at the end of May, and this isn't something I wanted to even imagine having to get 'used' to. Im sure no one does. I'm a smart girl, honors science major at that...I've been with the same guy for over a year now... I love him very much. He shows now symptoms and never has, but suddenly now I'm having an outbreak.
It's all just a lot. I've spent the past 24 hours hunting online for support groups (the one in my area was 'canceled' about a year ago) so when I came upon your blog and began to read, it made me feel accepted. I'm currently on the standard anti-viral, however, am hunting for a homeopathic remedy that will hopefully aid me in any future outbreaks.

Friday, April 16, 2010 2:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for the reassurance. It feels so lonely sometimes because nobody talks about it. In reality, 1/4 women walking around anywhere are infected. If only there weren't such stigma. Thanks again

Monday, July 12, 2010 7:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi, i'd like to add my thanks to the loooong list to you for writing this blog. Ive been looking for support groups but there aren't any that speak to me like yours. I am 19 and was diagnosed a couple of months ago. I had a really horrible initial outbreak, but since them am fairly sure i haven't had anymore. Coming to terms with it the first time was hard but i was with my boyfriend who we both assumed had given it to me as i've only had sex with one other person and he has had quite a few partners... I wanted him to get tested and he did so a couple of weeks ago. He got the results back this week and they were negative. I am still in shock about it. I had started to come to terms with it and it was sort of a comfort knowing that i wasn't alone in it. But this has just brought back my initial feelings after i was diagnosed all over again. And i am completely confused about how i got herpes, as i have checked with my ex and he hasnt got it (we were both virgins). Im finding it hard being young and knowing my boyfriend could have anyone he wanted after me and i will find it a lot, lot harder. Although he is staying with me, which i love him so much for as if it was the other way around i don't know what i'd do. I am a strong person and i know i will come to terms with it. Thank you again to you, and everyone who comments on your blog. You are all really inspiring. X

Saturday, September 11, 2010 5:00:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

You're welcome to those of you who have commented in the past couple of months and I hadn't had a chance to respond to let you know "someone was reading" :-)

To the anon poster from Sep 11, I just want to say that it is very possible that you've been carrying this virus (even from birth)?? and it's now just showing up. Have you talked to your mom about it? Anything is possible. Had you had sexual contact, even if you were still "a virgin" as far as "going all the way" prior to losing your virginity? Did you see your current boyfriends test? What kind of test did he get? Not all are accurate (or so I've been told). Western Blot, from what I understand, is the most accurate. If his doctor did a visual inspection, no good. Is he telling you the truth? If you saw the report, then I'm sure he is telling the truth. Having herpes doesn't seem to "bother" guys as much as it does we women, no offense to men, but that seems to be my experience.

Stress will also bring on a herpes outbreak, esp. when you were/are a carrier. Don't worry so much at this point about how or where you got it, if you've been officially diagnosed, with the proper testing, then this is the time to simply come to terms with it. You can not get herpes from a toilet seat or by sharing towels (some people choose to believe differently).

You will find that there are worse things in life which you will "obtain" as baggage. You'll be ok. Where do you live? I'm guessing that as far as support groups, even if you have to travel to one, it would be very worth your while. Herpes groups have annual gatherings in their cities, where large numbers of other people living with herpes, gather to share in their experiences. Did you check out my link under my favorites list on the home page of my blog. Please do that.

Good luck to you and hang in there.


Sunday, September 12, 2010 9:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it has been a LONG six months for me. I got the results on my 21st birthday. I was so distraught and it was extremely difficult telling my partner, my best friend. it caused a mini rift in our friendship for about two months its was just to uncomfortable. But I've come to realize that we were always be friends no matter what and time has shown that.
Things are back to the way that is used to be (with no sex). However it hurts my heart to know that he constantly lives in fear that he may acquire the virus from me.And what bothers me the most is that I cant get over it I feel like this is getting old and I should get past it already but thats not the case. I seem to have soo much blame within myself because I feel like that I should've known I had it and if it wasn't for the tri-monthly STD test I get just cause I would have never known.
I get extremely sad sometimes. You had mentioned that it took you a long time to get over it and for that I am glad that its not in my head; that Im acting irrational. Im just a girl whose in love with her best friend (he doesn't know that) lol sorry I kinda threw that in but its truuuueee :-)Herpes is still a sour subject for us he calls it "the thing". it took me 3 whole months to even say it aloud (I figured it was the first step) but no one likes to talk about it, or mention it. I tend to get "herpes happy" when it is mentioned to I can express myself and educate the people in my life that knows. I do have one friend whom I chosen to be a notch in my support belt and BOY is she. Others don't express their concerns like she do but they are there for me I guess....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 3:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Diffrent said...

I was diagnosed with herpes on valentines I just turned 23..I wanted to literally die I thought it was surely the end.....I started to research on the internet and learned many things about the virus and how its really not the end of the world... I dont take valtrex but I do have a daily dose of vitamins and herbs that I do take and I have only had one outbreak since then and its been 3 years...I have told 3 of my past boyfriends and they still stayed with me...It is very difficult to get the courage to tell the person you like about your secret....I have never told my parents even till this day and I probally wont ever either...Honestly sometimes I forget I even have it and really life isnt bad with the virus...I am glad there is blogs out here like this it really helps you through the hard things in life....Thanks yall and I am very blessed that I am not alone in this...

Saturday, April 16, 2011 4:04:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to Diffrent:

in regard to this comment:

"It is very difficult to get the courage to tell the person you like about your secret"

I couldn't agree w/you more. It's never easy.

And in regard to telling your family? I think they are the very best people that you can tell. Helps in the "telling" department as well.

Thank you for taking the time to post.


Thursday, April 21, 2011 6:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am a 17 year old senior in high school. I have been sexually active for a year and a half, and have only been with a few partners, with whom I practiced safe sex. Recently I contracted the herpes virus, and it's safe to say that I'm going through the typical stages of first finding out. I'm scared about my future; how will I enter into a monogomous, sexually healthy relationship? I'm sooo angry at the guy who I'm sure gave it to me, his ignorance drives me nuts.. I'm scared that this makes me less of a person, especially for only being 17. I'm not a whore, so why did I get this? I just want to cry... Help please :(

Thursday, January 26, 2012 7:28:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Thursday, January 26, 2012 7:28:00 PM

First of all, I'm sorry you contracted this virus, but you are not alone if that helps at all :-)

You simply need to get used to the idea and become comfortable in your "new skin" per se. You will be meet someone who is worthy of you and accepting as well, it just might not happen as quickly as you'd like which if you think about it, probably is a good thing. You have your whole life ahead of you. :-)

I respect and understand your anger and are you sure that he has herpes and that it wasn't someone else or that you weren't a carrier? Anything is possible. I assume he didn't tell you and have you confronted him about it? He needs to realize that he must tell too. It is possible that he didn't know he had it?

You are definitely NOT less of a person and not a whore. I'm not a whore either, but it took me a while to work through the whole diagnosis. You are so very lucky that you're able to "secretly" talk to others about it and gain support via the internet. Hang in there. You'll be just fine :-)

and one more thing....feel free to cry. It's very healing and cleansing :)

Friday, January 27, 2012 9:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this page for the first time tonight, I have had the virus for 6 years and I only wish I had found it then.
The anon posted a few days ago, I was 17 when I received this present, and I understand and can remember and feel every word you speak. I beg you you are not less for this and I am happy for you to have the support of this wonderful page. I have been reading through the posts here and can relate to them all, telling people is heart wrenching, but I have been in three relationships, and everyone has been deeply trusting and respecting. Be honest, be true and people see that not the virus. keep your chin up. Believe Luanne wrote the world keeps spinning. grow from this, let it open your eyes to the world around you and be grateful that you are Healthy and alive. there will be hard days but they pass. You are as lovable as ever!It is just a virus, a manageable quirk, nothing more nothing less. The man who gave it to you will be struggling like anyone else, like us. try not to spiral into dark places over his choices, one day he will accept it, like we have. Love yourself, accept yourself and choose your path and those you trust!

Thank you Luanne for such a supportive and encouraging perspective. Gave me some inner strength tonight when I needed it!
love hx

Sunday, February 05, 2012 6:58:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon (aka: HX) from Sunday, February 05, 2012 6:58:00 PM

thank you for posting your positive comments and support.

Tuesday, February 07, 2012 2:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been diagnosed for 8 years. I was 19 when I caught it from a person I will never know because I don't know who it was. I cheated on my bf. To me, herpes was the karma life gave me in return for being unfaithful to the man i said I loved. I did give it to him, but in these passed 8 years i have learned that my life can't revolve around something i can do nothing about. I used to think I was "ruined". I was so young and naive when I caught it, that my social life became non-existent, and until just last night, I slept with someone I know without telling them. Being 27 and having that guilt linger over me, is far worse than being rejected (in my opinion), but i mistakenly prejudged someone thinking that they wouldn't even care to be with me after sleeping with them. This guy is the exact opposite of anything I ever thought beforehand, and it wasn't until after we did fool around, that i realized while talking to him for 2 hrs that he was like any other person who was being judged by what other people had said about him. I feel as if i have betrayed this man, and that if he burned this bridge between us, that would be what i deserved for being dishonest. I have to take this in stride because i would have wanted him to tell me before sleeping together. I guess maybe because I felt that after we slept together, i wasn't going to see him again, i just brushed it off..i never have outbreaks and we're not dating so he doesn't need to know my personal business.. until he asked if I wanted to hangout again this weekend. I was shocked. And I feel telling him is better because I do like him, and I want him to see ME. The beautiful person who is trying to live her life without regrets, not HERPES.

Now I'm stuck. I'm scared. At first, it was rejection. Now, it's asking for a second chance and realizing I should have had the balls to just tell him and I made a terrible mistake by not saying anything like I should have.

My head is spinning with thoughts but I have to be positive. Either way, before or after being intimate, he was either going to be ok with it or not be ok with it. But I have to remember that either way, I'LL be ok in the end. Because what one person thinks

Saturday, March 03, 2012 10:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

^^ forgot the rest...

What one person thinks, isn't what everyone thinks.

And to clarify, he was the first person I've been with that I didn't tell. Everyone else (i have had a very normal, casual, safe sex life and LONG relationships ... BTW I have not given it to anyone in these 8 yrs, except for the man I cheated on) was completely cool with it and respected me for being so honest & the other closed-minded people backed away, which in the end, made me realize I didn't need that type of person in my life. Be strong, everyone! <333

Saturday, March 03, 2012 10:51:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anonymous from 3/3/12

you have to do the right thing before it goes any further. Hopefully, you won't have passed it on to him. It sounds like you "get" what you did was wrong and now you feel horrible. You will handle it the right way and do what needs to be done. All you can do is explain to him that you are very sorry and feel horrible, yada yada yada and that you never meant to put him at risk and that you know in your heart that you SHOULD have told him. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Sunday, March 04, 2012 9:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I had hsv2 meningitis three years ago. this is the first I knew of having hsv2

I have never had an outbreak not even a mild itch, nothing at all and not on any medication

I am now heading into the first relationship since having the meningitis and not sure what to say to him

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:56:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:56:00 PM

And it's possible that you may never show any symptoms again. So it sounds as though 3 yrs ago, you did have symptoms? I honestly have never heard of HSV2 meningitis, but in my simple world, herpes is herpes :-) It's all good.

How long have you been dealing with this new person? In the past, when with a new person, I usually bring up the topic of STD's in general and not necessarily "out yourself" right away. The topic itself can be sensitive all on it's own, let alone to admit that you yourself have an STD. Have you done a lot of research on your specific situation? I can't imagine it would be handled any differently than someone who simply had herpes. Good luck and keep me posted. How to tell is listed in another section of my blog. Listed under the favorites section on left hand column of this blog.

Thursday, April 12, 2012 12:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Im so happy your still here.. I just turned 20 and also about 3 weeks ago got diagnosed with HSV 2. When I first found out I was mortified, I didn't know what to do or how to handle it. Luckily I have 3 older sisters who accepted me for the person I am not for a virus that lives in my nerves. I cried and cried and cried, and prayed to God crying. I couldn't tell my boyfriend yet bc I myself didn't know how to handle it. My first outbreak was harsh because I didn't know what was going on. I was terribly sick for one full week with the flu and a few days into that I thought I had a razor burn along with some crazy discharge- luckily some weird gut instinct kicked in to get to the doctor. I went all by myself and cried the whole way home. After about a 5 days of being prescribed acloyvir for 7 days 3x a day they were gone. After the medicine I felt like myself all over again. Mean while in the time I had the OB I was depressed badly, after the OB was gone I was happy again. Just yesterday morning I woke up with a tiny bump down there and I put peroxide on it and it seemed to disappear however I still called my doctor to prescribe quick medication. Moving forward I only plan to use the medicine at the time of an OB not daily like others. Everyones body is different and you have to learn how to handle it. The best way that I believe and hope that it works, is by having of course a healthy diet to maintain a healthy immune system as well as "airing" out down there. Obviously we know this virus can't live with oxygen if you let it breathe and give it some air I hope to say that the OB will lessen. Of course this virus is going to love a dark moist environment, lets switch it up for this thing and make it uncomfortable!!! After doing research I came to a conclusion to go on with live but happily, because that's your only choice. After reading so many inspirational stories and success stories I too what to live that way and don't let the virus control me better yet I control the virus! I like to think of it as an inconvenient rash that is gone in a week! There's nothing else to do than move on with your life, like others have said there are so many worse things than some irritation!!! It's the stupid stigma that is attached that kills us all at the beginning. Once you overcome that hump- you see yourself better, and love yourself better. I wish all of you the best luck with your lives, and I just decided to write something because everyone insists its great, and it is letting things out!!! xoxo

Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:40:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anonymous from Tuesday, May 29, 2012 7:40:00 PM

right on!! thumbs up!! Sounds like you attacking this situation head on and kudos to you :-) Keep telling yourself and eventually it gets easier and easier. I love the way you think :-)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012 11:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to start a campaign: STOP THE STIGMA

Those of us who have herpes are a the MAJORITY. It's just that those of us who are diagnosed are the minority. It is time to STOP THE STIGMA!

Among unmarried women over 50, 50-70% have genital HSV-2 herpes (the % goes up with age since herpes is lifelone). 50% of all new genital herpes cases are due to HSV-1 spread through oral sex. 80-90% of all adults in the US have HSV-1. Most think they only have cold sores and don't realize they have herpes.

I was diagnosed 25 years ago. I realize the emotional pain and fear of rejection caused by a herpes diagnosis. I also realize the pain of having herpes is seldom caused by the virus but often caused by the stigma associated with it.

I believe it it time that those of us who have been diagnosed stop suffering in silence and do something to educate others. Most people who have herpes will never get tested because they have no symptoms. However, they are responsible for most new cases. Those of us who have been diagnosed and are honest enough to share that information with a potential partner fear rejection from a person who may already have herpes or may get it from their next partner who doesn't know they have it.

Does anybody have suggestins for how to STOP THE STIGMA of herpes. I think it would help if people realized that the population with herpes is the MAJORITY.

Sunday, October 07, 2012 11:25:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Sunday, October 07, 2012 11:25:00 AM

Do it!! I'm doing my part. It can only be squelched by honest and open dialogue by everyone.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012 12:12:00 PM  

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