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Monday, July 31, 2006

Common reactions and comments with herpes diagnosis

Read what others are saying when they reach out to meet others who are also dealing or struggling with their herpes diagnosis. Just realize that you are not alone. Feel free to type your message in the comments section and do it anonymously if it makes you feel more comfortable. I will respond as soon as I can. I'm leaving the typos as is. These are actual quotes and my comments and responses to them are immediately following. There are many where I didn't add any comments, but I'm trying to illustrate how many people say the exact same thing when they are diagnosed or have decided to deal with their herpes diagnosis head on.

Having my first outbreak, alone with it...

That's the very best thing you can do for yourself is to reach out to others who are in the same boat.

I have been on my own for two years now and I want to meet others like myself and learn to live and be with someone else again.

After your initial diagnosis, sometimes you need to have a good two years to get used to the idea, but the sooner you face this head on, the better off you'll be and the sooner you'll be able to accept yourself and allow others to accept you as well. Trust me, chances are, you will one day feel as I do, that herpes is JUST a virus.


I would really like to learn about the virus and upcoming medical advice.

You'll certainly learn alot by reading about other people's experiences and of course, they tell me that your family doctor is the best place for medical advice, however, sadly, not all doctor's are herpes friendly doctors. Some of them will lead you to believe that it's not really a big deal because so many people in the population have it and then there are others who are at least compassionate about your situation. That's what ALL doctors need to realize is that herpes, for most, is only a "big deal" emotionally. For many people, they don't "suffer" physically, but they certainly feel as though they have this dark cloud hangin' over their heads. And they shouldn't feel that way. So what I would like to say to doctor's is, if you diagnose a patient with any kind of herpes, please direct them to find a support group in their area or join an online support group as there are many both nationwide and citywide.


Need to finally accept and "deal" with this herpes thing.

Good for you. Sometimes, you just have to take the bull by the horns :-)


I have recently contracted herpes both oral and genital. I am 22 year old male, in the military and at college. I had sex with a girl on a fling and now have herepes I need someone to talk to

Trust me, you are not alone.


I am 36 and a female I live in California and would like to chat with others like myself. I was diagnosed 11 years ago and still have problems coping.

Don't feel too bad. It took me over 10 years to decide to start coping with having herpes. Mind you, when I was diagnosed, there was no such thing as asking questions privately about such a private matter.


i have hpv and i feel like im the only one... i feel disgusting

You don't need to feel disgusting. There are many different kinds of HPV, so hang in there. The good thing is that you now know and can deal with it. That's the good news :-)


I am seeking more information and a better understanding of living positively with HSV.

That's the best thing you can do is surround yourself with others who have herpes and don't be afraid to ask questions.


i have herpes and need help
I have just been diagnosed I am looking for some one to talk to.
Diagnosed with HPV & Genital Herpes. 46yr old female, 3 children. Survivor of Domestic Abuse. Also have Post Traumatic Stress
I was recently diagnosed with herpes. I would like the support of communicating with others who have faced this crisis.
I was just recently told I have Herpes and need to learn more about long term relationships with the virus.

I was just recently diagnosed with herpes and im only 19 and am finding it very difficult to deal with and i am hoping to get some help

Hang in there, you are certainly not alone in this as there are people of all ages, even younger than yourself who also have herpes. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to get in touch with me. That offer goes to anyone.


I have struggled with herpes and have found an effective treatment. My gentil herpes has not broken out in a year and some women with virus that causess cervical cancer viral count is at zero!

Good for you!!! That's great news. I personally haven't had any outbreaks either for years (2-3) at a time and I don't take anti-virals, suppressants or any meds at all for that matter. For me, I have found that by minimizing my stress level has helped to minimize outbreaks, even though I do realize that asymptomatic shedding is a real thing, so I still need to tell a prospective partner, but dang, I just wish sometimes that we didn't have to deal with this, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.


Have had herpes for over 20 years now. Would like to participate in Herpes disscussions etc..

I was recently diagnosed with herpes and would like to know more about it and learn about other peoples' stories.

You can certainly find lots and lots of personal stories on the internet. :-)


Had HSV2 for over a year now. Looking to meet people in the same situation

I have HSV and HPV and need to talk to people I happen to have HPV and wish to speak to others about it.

single mother of 3 children---some "nice" man passed me herpes about 8-9 years ago..

Welcome to my world. Some "nice" man passed it on to me too :-) It happens that way more often than not. There are many people who know it and pass it on, and don't choose to tell, and are possibly ignorant to the fact that there is such a thing as shedding and then there are others who really don't care about us or they are possibly in denial about their diagnosis.

hi. i was raped a few years ago and i caught wat i think may be herpes. i havent seen a doctor yet cos im too scared and ive only just decided to do something about it.

You should definitely get this checked out. You can always go to the closet Planned Parenthood or city clinic and ask them to simply run tests on you for ALL STD's and make sure when you ask them, to mention that you'd like a herpes test as well. Make sure they do the blood test on you which can tell whether you're having an outbreak or not. You're not alone in this situation as I've read many times where women were raped and got herpes. It's unfortunate, but it does happen. I'm sorry this happened to you.


I am a 19 year old female and I have been diagnosed with herpes 1 month ago and am finding the emotional stuff extremely hard to deal with.

I have had HSV for 20+ years but only just learned about some of the facts. I have more to ask and perhaps to get involved in Herpes education for others.

I totally understand your situation. As I've mentioned earlier in this post, it took me a very long time before I knew as much as I have learned as well. I do appreciate the fact that Valtrex' commercials are giving information because I'm sure there are tons more out there like you and I who really, honestly believed that they would only pass it on if they were having an active outbreak.


attractive, middle aged man, recently divorced, with H, looking for a possible relationship with someone who has it as well.

I just want to meet people living with the desease, and talk to people who have been able to maintain a relationship with a partner. If this is something that we can work
around im willing to do so.

I personally have had herpes for over 20 years now and don't believe I've ever passed the virus on to another person. But there are no guarnatees which makes this virus frustrating for those of us who have it and scary to those who aren't sure they're ready to "sign up" to have it. The key is to be comfortable with it yourself before a possible mate would be comfortable. If your partner would feel better if you were on daily suppression, then it might be worth it to check into going on it, but as I've mentioned before, I've never been on any herpes meds and don't believe that I have a very severe case of it. Mind you, everyone is different and so is every situation.


Needing to hear others' stories and compare to my own.

Hi. I am 42 and a single Mom of two children. I have had this condition since I was 20 and I am looking for support.

I am looking for "H" support

I just need to be able to talk about my dx. Recently dx'd with one and two. Lied to by fiancee.

I was just diagnosed with Genital Herpes and I need somewhere to start with feeling like I'm not alone.

I was diagnosed with herpes about 4 months ago and would like to hear about experiences others have had.

Just diagnosed and feel alone.

I was first diagnosed w/ genital herpes, in feb 06. I would like to get advice, and how to date guys w/out there always having to be sex involved.

You'll still be able to have sex, you just now have to include "telling that you have herpes" as part of your getting to know you phase. First you have to get used to having herpes and then when you choose to tell, you need to make sure you are calm cool and collected. If you freak out and cry your eyes out, your possible mate might get scared off. Put yourself in their shoes. Just make sure you don't decide to tell in the heat of the moment. I firmly believe that if they are worthy of me, then they will be accepting of me. If they are just trying to get laid, then chances are they won't take it any further, unless you find out they have it too. And that does happen in relationships. Plus in any relationship, we all need to not sleep with someone right in the beginning, even if they do wear a condom, because heck, you might get something worse than herpes. Herpes is not a death sentence, so I'm very thankful for that.


interested in hearing experiences and obtaining advice

I would like to connect with others in my situation. (HSV2)

Hello, I'm afraid I may have recently contracted herpes. I have not been diagnosed yet but I'm just looking for some support. Thanks.

I am looking for friends in the herpes community

And believe you me, friends in the herpes community are some of the greatest friends you'll ever meet. You will feel so welcome in this new circle of friends.


I have hsv2 and would like to keep up to date on issues regarding it.

I would like to know more about HSV-2

I am interested in finding out about herpes

Hello, just found out recently that my partner is HSV 2+. Would like to ask some questions.

Good for you for wanting to know more about it. I realize this isn't something that you're ready to say "sign me up" and it's important to understand the risks. The good news, it's JUST a virus.

I am a lesbian with herpes and am looking for the same for support. Thanks,

I just learned today that I have HPV. I have been doing research on the internet, but I still have questions...such as how to tell my boyfriend (I'm going to see him tonight), treatments, etc.

I have recently found out I am infected with the Herpes Simplex 1 & 2 viruses. I would like some support in learning to deal with this devasting news.

currently was tested for HPV

My 19 yr old was just tested for genital herpes, I have some questions about the testing and the disease. I would like to join the group and maybe get some of my questions answered so I can help her

I've so glad your teen had the courage to confide in you. I wish more people felt comfortable enough to confide in their parents. I have never understood when people don't feel as though their parent's will still love them if they tell them. There are so many disfunctional families out in our world and it's really sad when children, no matter how old, don't feel as though their parents will understand and still accept them. I love my Mom and so glad she is so accepting of myself and my condition. She's proud that I have dealt with my herpes the way that I have, by reaching out to try and help others.


recently diagnosed with herpes 2

I have herpes and need advice.

looking for info and help!

Hi! New here and interested in seeing what this is all about!

I have hsv2 and would like to talk to others that have it also. Thank you!

Hey my name is XXXXXX, I live in iowa. I'm newly diagnosed and depressed and I have alot of questions and I want to meet new people

Hi, Im twenty and just found out i have HSV and i have been living with HPV for about a year now. Would like to learn more about both and talk to people in the same boat as me.

I have a friend that has had herpes and would like more information.

I have no one to talk to about Herpes

Let the internet herpes communities be your sounding board. We are here for you.

I have it and need help.
Just diagnosed with genital herpes -- looking for support and friendship
I was diagnosed with herpes less than 2 years ago, and I've never reached out to a group and I'm accessing courage in order to move forward with my life.

I would like to join a group to learn different ways to tell people that I have herpes and what it means I am newly diagonoised (3 months) with HSV 2. I am looking for information, support, and a place to relax and talk about how I feel emotionally, physically, etc.

You'll find that after a period of time, chances are, having herpes will be more of an emotional trauma. Generally, most people who are diagnosed with herpes, tend to have a huge, long lasting outbreak in the beginning and as time goes by, your body tends to get more used to the virus now living in your body. I'd like to think your body gets more immune to the virus and only actively surfaces when you are in stressful situations and of course, we all go through asymptomatic shedding and that's the tricky part about the virus is that you don't always know when you are contagiou

I have genital warts and would like to communicate with others and find out more

I think I may have herpes (waiting to be tested) and I'm looking for some support and info.

I am a 30 year old male living in NYC who was diagnosed with genital herpes a couple of years ago. I would like to join a community to hear what others have to say.

I got H a little over a year ago. I just recently told the guy I'm dating that I have it and things have been rough, especially when no one else really understands what it is like.

i have outbreaks that i found out recently to be herpes on my buttocks and back

i was given a diagnosis of genital herpes and i cant talk to anyone about it i feel alone dirty and useless i need someone to talk to

I would like to stay informed, with others in my area and other news/info as it becomes avail.

hi I'm a 45 yr old male in central california.I want to join to be socialable.To have contact with others in the same very large boat.

I don't have herpes but my partner dose, he's had it for a month. I care for him dearly though and I want to find out how to help and support him through this...

Had HSV2 for 2 years just trying to find out as much as possible. Thanks.

single again & would like to meet a lady with whom i can develope a relationship with the rest will follow easily

I am 22 years old and have just been diagnosed with hsv2. I NEED to talk with people so that I can cope.

I'm so glad that people are reaching out to the internet for emotional support in regard to having herpes.

I may have a genital wart and I want to know how normal it is for it to go away
and never come back.

I am new to HSV and am pregnant. I can use your support and resources during this time. I am very confused..

In a nutshell, you can still have a normal pregnancy as well as a vaginal delivery, even if you have herpes. As long as your doctor is aware, they can take precautions and advise you of the necessary steps you may need to take as far as suppression and as to whether or not it is safe to take suppression, etc. Seriously, talk with your doctor about your concerns.


I am a 29 year old living in Indianapolis looking for a group where I can share similarities, ask questions and read feedback about others in a similar situation as myself.

I have hsv and would like to read more about this and meet others with hsv.

I'm havin my first out break of genetil herpes & finding it very hard to cope. Everything i read is so negative i feel like it's gonna ruin my life. Want to talk to others who gone thru this.

It's like everything you read on the internet, some sites are positive, some are negative. You just need to learn about and meet some others in person. When you meet others who are in the same boat, you'll soon realize how common this is and that you are not alone and it's truly not the end of the world. You'll be amazed at how good you'll feel, surrounding yourself by others who have been there, done that.


well first off ive just found out that i have hvp, and it scares the hell outta me ! i cant tell my fam or friends and i have know one to talk about this kinda thing with.

I am so glad that you have internet access because there is a wealth of information on here.


I am a 30 year single woman recently diagnosed and has had my life turned upside down from this disease.

I got Herpies 4 years ago. I want to join for support, advice, etc. Sometimes I feel Ive got a grip on my situation, other times I know it effects me still emotionally, even to this day.

Don't feel bad, I think we all have our good days and bad days. And it's not always herpes related. Just remember that God only gives us as much as we can handle.


I recently found out I have herpes and am really looking for support and guidance during this difficult time

i just found out that i have genital warts. looking for a support group to learn more. =)

I'm 45 single parent, in march 2006 I contacted herpes 2, I don't know how I got this..I am confused and searching.

I have had HSV-1 genital for almost a year. I want to learn more about how to live with this virus and deal with relationships.

I believe I have Herpes and would like to find support and help support others.

I'm only 20 years old and have had herpes for three months. Its been really hard for me as a young women in college to deal with it.

I am newly diagnosed with HSV and am looking to join all the groups I can and get as much information as possible to deal with my new condition.

I was diagnosed with Herpes Simplex Virus 2 back in March. Looking for a place to turn w/ questions, etc.

i just got diagniosed with herpes

Contracted HSV about 6 motnhs ago. Have trouble dealing with it.

I am beginning a new relationshiop and for the first time since I was date raped and given herpes, I am interested in pursuing a relationship. I am terrified of telling him.

Health Educator and affected person

Im a single blk male looking to meet new friends who are in my shoes. I feel like im in a total different world now and looking to build a new network of people i can associate myself with.

There are many people and new friends for you in the herpes community. You might also be interested in googling "People of Color". Of course, as fare as I've ever seen, you'll be welcome in any herpes group, regardless of race or religion.


Hi, I am a 31 year old female and would like to meet a group of supportive people who share my problem and are dealing with the same concerns, fears, and emotions that I am.

I have been diagnosed since 2001 and I still have difficulty dealing with the change in my life

Recently involved with as H partner - looking to learn about the disease and methids for dealing with it in a committed relationship.

i have hpv and want to talk to people who have to date knowing they have it. Need support.

I contract hpv i don't know when. When i became pregnant with my first child last year i developed symptoms.

i just found out the i have herpies and dont know how to deal with it. i am married but seperated and my husband wants to come home but i dont know how to tell he i have it. i need help

I have suffered from both for years the hpv has progressed into cervical abnomalaties on cervix would like support and knowledge

I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes earlier this year and am feel like a group is a great opportunity to learn from other's dealing with same issues as me.

i just found out that my boyfriend has genital warts - i don't know if this is something i am willing to risk getting myself, but i feel that he could be the one i have waited for my entire life.

I was transmitted with the virus six months ago from a friend whom had knowingly given it to me. I'm hoping to help and be helped here.

I recently found out I have HSV-1 and am having a difficult time dealing with it.

Just diagnosised with HSV need someone to talk to..

recently diagnosed with HSV, feeling isolated and want a sounding board for sharing, questions, etc.

Hi my name is Katie, I found out I have herpes 4 months ago. I want to understand herpes and become aware because right now, I am feeling lost.

i have recently diagnosed as exposed to herpes - want 2 get more info

I was recently dx's with HSV 2, but think I have had it for a long time.I have been going thru dx for MS or Lupus (pain/numb) and think it might be related. Looking for others to talk to :-) listen.

I was just diagnosed with HSV and I am truly devastated. I feel like my life is over and I want to join in this discussion to see if I can ever be happy again.

Like to find out more info from actual people

i have been diagnosed with hpv and believe i have hsv as well and am looking for some support groups.

I just found out I have Herpes and am looking for support and any information I can find. Thanks.

i was recently diagnosed with hsv....and ive really been struggling with it...and my boyfriend.....it would just be really helpful to talk tolikeminded people.....

I need to know more information about herpes and hpv. I don't know if you can tell if you have it or not.

I contracted hsv 2 over 6mos. ago. i'm having a very rough time with coping and looking for possible support.

Hello, recently diagnosed and looking to meet people and gain knowledge.

i am new can i join. i want to learn more about hpv and how to better take care of myself. thanks

I am trying to find meaning in my life after my diagnisis.

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42 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

MY DAUGHTER WAS RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH GENITAL HERPES.SHE IS 19. I THINK THAT HER BIGGEST CONCERNS ARE TWOFOLD. ONE IS HOW SHE WILL EVER FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL WANT HER , AND TWO THAT SHE FEELS LIKE DAMAGED GOODS. I HOPE THAT SHE ISN'T STAYING WITH HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND WHO SHE GOT HP FROM BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T THINK SHE WILL EVER FIND ANYONE ELSE WHO WILL WANT HER. WHAT CAN I TELL HER TO HELP HER?

Friday, September 15, 2006 2:17:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Hi Mom. The thing your daughter needs to remember is that she is certainly not alone and many many people have learned how to cope with this. She will still be loved, still will be able to have children, someone will love her as she is and honesty is so difficult to admit to having an STD. No one likes rejection and that is what in time, she will find is the worst part about having herpes. There is no guarantee that she won't pass it on, even if they are using a condom.

Which version does she have? HSV1 or HSV2 or HSV1-genitally? I'm just curious on that note. There are many other teens who also live with herpes. I do understand her initial frustration and fear, but I highly recommend that she talk with others who understand what she's going through or simply reading other people's true stories. Many of the larger US cities have Herpes Support Groups, you just have to google for them, they're easy to find.

Getting used to having herpes, simply takes time to get used to it, but after all is said and done, it's Just a VIRUS!! I had a rough time dealing with it early on too, (I was 26 yrs old) lived in denial for 10 years, but really only not knowing as much about it as I did. I was amazed when I found websites geared strictly towards people who were living with herpes and other STD's as well. Having herpes is NOT a death sentence, but your daughter will learn the value and importance of honesty when it comes to needing to "have the talk" with a prospective mate. Good luck to your daughter and feel free to ask questions. If I don't know, I can always point you in the right direction :-)

Tell her "DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT" There will be someone who will accept her, herpes and all. She needs to get "right" with herpes first and learn to accept it. Have her say the word outloud a few times. It gets easier all the time :-)

Luanne

Saturday, September 16, 2006 1:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007 3:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have had herpes since I was 22. I have just entered a relationship and I am scared to tell my partner that I have herpes (we have had sex already). I have been very careful not to infect anyone but I want to be honest this time. Do you think he will understand or will he be mad at me for not telling him?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007 8:27:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Anonymous said...
I have had herpes since I was 22. I have just entered a relationship and I am scared to tell my partner that I have herpes.......

Hi Anonymous....Well first of all, I'm sure your partner will be initially disappointed that you didn't tell before you had sex, but it is the right thing to do. I'm not sure how much this had been on your mind since being 22 or how old you are at this point, but you need to just be honest and share your story with them as far as your past situations and basically tell them what you just told me, that you want to be honest with them from here on out and that you hope they'll understand why this is such an emotional stigma vs. what you actually experience on a physical basis. Know what I mean?

Thursday, May 10, 2007 11:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you shower when you have a sore? I mean can you dry it with the same towel you dry other parts of your body. Or should you just dry that area with a paper towel?

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 8:49:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

I just put together an entire post on this topic titled

Herpes, Towels and Transmission

This seems to be a very common question/concern for many people and understandably so.

Hope this helps you.

Luanne

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 11:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi My name is Roxanne I was diagnosed with herpes on Jan 8th of 2007. That day my life fill apart and some how glued it self back together again. I sat, that day in the bathroom crying my eyes out how could this happen to me? Never once blamed God, because I did what I wanted to do... I choose to have sex some times protected sometimes not. I was so vulnerable I couldn't hold my secret inside I would just burst into tears and tell who ever, I didn't have care in the world about what people thought about me anymore I just wanted help and to be cured of this problem the Herpes virus.

But... that day I never once prayed a sincere prayer all my life until that day I asked God to comfort me, and to send me a man who will love me for who I am and truly understand who and where I come from that makes me who I am today. I just simply asked for what I needed in my life the most and God gave me this beauitful man who is as imperfect as me...and to be even more sincere with you readers out there I want you to know if it is true love that person will make sacrifice for you not because of your looks or what you might have. I am still coping with my virus and I am only 20ty years of age and yes it has been hard, but I thank God and I thank him for helping me cope through my problems this year.

So, basically all I'm saying is don't give up !!! talking about it, crying and letting it out... even if you have to scream it... do it, it'll make you a better person in the long wrong and may be you'll understand your purpose of why you may have this disease. I know I am a changed person through my life lesson and I understand what has brought me here and I am still figuring it all out so... believe it or not it could be worse. Appreciate your life and that you still have one and continue in fullfilling your dreams.

-Roxanne

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 8:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am 29 was diagnosed with Genital Herpes about 4years ago and i have not been with anyone since i am afraid of passing herpes to anyone else i was not told by the person who gave it to me that they had it and i want to know can i pass herpes on if i don't have any signs of a break out

Monday, June 02, 2008 12:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was with HSV2 7 DAYS AGO, I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS. WHEN THE SYMPTOMS SURFACED I ASKED MY HUSBAND IF HE HAS EXPERIENCED ANY SYMPTOMS, HE DENIES ANY SYMPTOMS, HOWEVER HE DOESN'T SEEM ALARMED ABOUT THE DIAGNOSIS. I AM HAVING SO MANY MIXED THOUGHTS. WANDERING IF I CONTRACTED IT FROM MY HUSBAND OR A PREVIOUS PARTNER.

Monday, August 25, 2008 5:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My name is Erika Mitchell, from pasadena newfoundland. I have genetal and mouth herpes. Im a slut, I cant control myself. I cought herpes from a guy in deer lake because, stupid as i am, i bribed him that if he stay with me i would give him a blowjob and sleep with him and i did it. Everyone makes fun of me and i only have one friend who cant fit their cock in me when i want it, poor me:(

Monday, November 03, 2008 4:39:00 PM  
Blogger annonymous said...

I used to date a kid who had genital herpes. We tried to be very careful and he was on Valtrex. When we broke up I immdeiately went to my gyno and told her everything that went on in our relationship. He never had an outbreak while we were togehter, and neither did I. The tests came back negative and I was super relieved. I just recently started seeing this new guy and he just had an outbreak on his genitals. He had all the signs of genital herpes, so I can only assume that I gave it to him. I don't know what to do and am so confused and upset. He is super depressed and doesn't want to be living anymore. I care about him a lot and I can only keep thinking that I did this to him. We are both going to get tested in the morning.I don't know what to do, I like him so much and am so scared to lose... please help?

Sunday, December 14, 2008 6:54:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

annonymous.....it's very possible that this new guy already had herpes and it's possible that it's not. When was the last time you were tested yourself? Supposedly, some of the herpes testing can determine when the timeframe of infection was. Don't take the blame for this automatically. It's very possible that this new guy is/was a carrier or had been exposed in the past too. Have him go get checked out and you should too. At least know your status. That's important. Good luck and let me know what you find out.

Monday, December 15, 2008 12:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship and recently got out and have had to deal with this reality as a single person. How can I cope and when do I tell? I recently made a mistake by telling after our first encounter and now feel guilty and sick about my actions.
Thank you.

Sunday, March 08, 2009 8:15:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

You need to come to terms with having herpes. People need to work through this and get comfortable in their "new skin" per se. Once you are comfortable with yourself and this virus, then when you tell others, it won't be as difficult. Slow down, find a new friend, but don't feel like you have to jump in the sack right away. I'm sure there are other things about you that he must like and if he likes you that much and if he's "worthy" of you, then he'll stick around through the bad stuff too. Hang in there.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 3:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have gental herpes and im 15 and i have had them for a couple of years now, i havnt had sex and i really dont know how to get rid of them and i dont feel comftable telling my mum but will it go away and could it do me any harm?? and can i get rid of it in any way?? please help !!

Sunday, August 16, 2009 4:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when i was 16 i met my boyfriend who was 15 at the time his ex had herpes and didn't tell him then he had a breakout but we didn't know what it was after it went away we had sex a few days after i was itching all the time i went to the doctors to find out i had herpes my doctor gave me valacyclovir and i been take 1 pill a day for the past 2 years married and have a healthy pretty daughter and never had a breakout yet

Thursday, April 08, 2010 1:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello...i just found this site tonight because ive been a bit upset about having herpes. Im a 16 year old female, I found out about 9 months ago that i really do have it. I got really sick about 2 years ago and had a outbreak so i was sent to a gyno and when i was tested everything was fine it came back negative. Well i got sick again and this time they just told me that was really what it looked like but they didnt test me again. Ive been so confussed and upset, and i do realize there are many others that have it but it doesnt seem to make it any easier on me. I havent told any friends just my parents know. I thought of telling y best friend tons of times but i never can i get too scared and i feel so alone i really just want some1 i can talk to about it and not feel so alone. I also think outbreakes are frequent for me but i even feel afraid to tell my parents. I really like this guy...but im afraid to try to be with him because i feel like i could be putting him in danger, could you give me some support and advice please and thank you very much.

Friday, June 25, 2010 1:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was diagnosed with herpes 6 months ago and thought i had come to terms with it even getting back into the dating scene. Then i met a great guy who i really thought i could spend my life with and had the 'chat' with him before we became intimite. He then went and did research and came back a couple of days later and said he couldn't take the risk. I know he is hurting over this too and i feel terrible. Now i am back to where i started and trying to come to terms with this again all over. Will i ever really meet anyone who wants to take that risk? Would i in their shoes? I'll never know because i was never given the choice.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010 4:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For those of you infected, keep your heads up. I dated and fell in love with a guy who has herpes. One night as we were cuddling on the couch, he told me that he needed to talk to me about something. He told me that he had herpes. He looked down at the ground as he told me and said that he understood if I never wanted to be intimate. The truth was, I had already fallen in love with him and loved him even more for being honest. I met with my doctor, did some research and made the decision to be intimate with him. We were careful and he went on suppression meds ahead of time. We are not together anymore and I haven't been tested yet. If I have it, I will be upset but the fact is, I loved him and I don't regret what we had.

Please, please be honest with your partners. You will find someone who will love you no matter what, but it has to be their choice.

Best wishes to you all.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010 5:42:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

thank you anonymous from Tuesday, August 17, 2010 5:42:00 PM

I appreciate you sharing your story of a person who chose to be intimate w/someone who has herpes. It's good to hear from the "other side" :-)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010 12:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Herpes Outbreaks said...

For those that have been recently diagnosed with HSV, don't panic. Although it may seem like your world came crashing down, realize that 1 and 4 people are in the EXACT same situation as yourself. The first thing that you need to do is educate yourself, so that you are able to control any outbreaks, and that you're knowledgeable not to spread it. Dating can be difficult, but it will make a huge difference explaining any situations and risks to your potential partner if you know what you're talking about. So read up! It is very possible to maintain an outbreak free life, so don't get discouraged. Hold your head high, you'll be fine!

Thursday, December 23, 2010 8:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Herpes said...

Herpes is not just a virus, it is a virus that will stay with you for life. Don't be mislead by some cavalier remarks, research the facts and get some help.

Monday, December 27, 2010 10:56:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

Herpes Outbreaks - I agree - keep your head high and learn about the virus. It's not the end of the world, seriously :-)

and to "Herpes" - for me, it is "Just a Virus". No sense losing sleep over it and as long as I am honest with prospective mates, what difference should it make to my psychy. One day, you may get to that attitude as well.

Thursday, December 30, 2010 12:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what i have i just have this nickel size lump on the bottom of my shaft skin i am scared to death i have had it for about 5 yrs now this is the second outbreak, i am 26 male and i finally got the guts to talk about it, i don't have med/insur
and i need help with all the readings i been doing i think i have herpes... but i am shy and scared to seek help.

Friday, January 14, 2011 9:54:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Friday, January 14, 2011 9:54:00 AM

First of all, I'm sorry I am just now responding to your post :(

How are things now since you posted? Were you able to get to a free clinic to get yourself checked out? That would be my recommendation for those who don't have insurance. Let me know.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011 6:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was diagnosed today with herpes and I am 23 year old female single and no kids. No matter how much research I do I just want to DIE. I just don't understand why me I did everything I could and made 1 mistake and now i have to spend the rest of my life with this Idk how to tell my parents for feel that they may think I'm a whore. I only slept with one guy for the last nearly 2 years I'm devastated. please someone help me shed some light on this.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 3:28:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anonymous: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 3:28:00 AM

I totally understand your fears as does everyone else who has every walked this path. You need to wrap your mind around this first and get used to living with herpes and feel good about it. I know it's tough to do, but you can do it, because what other choice do you have? Please read through many of my posts and comment responses to other people throughout this blog. The most popular commented posts are listed in the far left column of this blog. Check out the other topics and thoughts.

Hang in there, you'll be OK and don't be afraid to tell your parents. You're a grown woman and they may be your best support link at this time. You are NOT a whore, you're simply one in 4 :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 10:02:00 AM  
Anonymous One Bad Decision... said...

I am going to be 21 this summer. I have been in 3 relationships totaling 6 years of my life. I decided to have some fun this past 2 months, against everything that I believe in.

Yesterday I was told I have Herpes Type 2. I cried. I got drunk with a friend. And after I had already told my dad the week before that I had Chlamydia which was an eye opener when I decided to stop this crazy lifestyle, I had to tell him I have Herpes for the rest of my life.

And he told me he loves me no matter what. I cried so hard, because I know I am strong enough to deal with this. I just hate something that I can't control, something that will follow me. Something that will make me expend energy on such a useless situation.

I don't know who gave me either disease. All that I know is that I do not want to pass it on. I already have a generic disability in my genes waiting to attack my children, should I ever have them.

The worst part? I just met an amazing man.

Friday, June 24, 2011 8:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am feeling so disgusted by the phone call I received yesterday confirming HSV. I always ask a new partner if they are clean and because this man is retired and visits his doctor regularly, I assumed he would know whether he had an STD. NOW, I feel like he knew and only cared about getting sex. I am so mad at myself for trusting him and not protecting myself better. I have to admit, given the choice, I probably would not have wanted to take the risk.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011 11:00:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon - Wednesday, July 13, 2011 11:00:00 AM

one lesson to learn from all of this, you can't judge a person's STD's by their cleanliness. Did you ask him about it and did he admit that he has it? It's possible that you've been a carrier and never knew it.

I'm glad you spoke w/a family member about it. The more you "talk" about it, the easier it becomes to deal with it. Hang in there.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011 6:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today I got a blood screen back and I'm NEGATIVE for HSV 2. I should be happy, right? Wrong.

On this exact date on year ago I was told I was HSV positive. (Weird, I know). I got a second test a few days ago and the nurse called me a few hours ago. I'm negative. The first test was wrong. For a year I lived with HSV, I overcame it, and became better because of it. Now what?

IF GIVE INTO THE STIGMA YOU ARE PERPETUATING IT:

The first thing I did when I found out that I had HSV was order THREE of the best books on how to live with it from Amazon.com. (This saved my life). I then signed up for THREE online herpes dating sites. I got a therapist. I joined a gym. I read "my herpes books". I realized how stupid and insignificant it is. How it doesn't deserve this much attention and how WRONG and UNETHICAL it is to stigmatize yourself and others so harshly for it. [I cried when I found out and got depressed, but then I got over it.]

I DIDN'T HATE HAVING HSV, I HATED OTHER PEOPLE WITH IT:
The people who perpetuate stigma the most are the people who HAVE HSV. Every time I read, "I don't think anyone will ever love me", I would wonder if that would be the case with me too. I would ask myself, "Should I be more disgusted with myself? I'm not supposed to be this positive?" When others hated themselves in blogs online, I felt like I was supposed to hate myself too.

SCREW THAT: I'm lucky I only have HSV.
What makes you so special that HSV is the worst thing you've ever been through? Every time I read a blog entry from someone who is sad about having HSV, I wonder...Why are you so perfect? You didn't get AIDs. Why do you get to cry over having HSV? It's not like it's written all over your face. A loved one didn't die. Your legs weren't just amputated. You weren't just told you have a month to live? You should consider yourself LUCKY that it's ONLY herpes. I do. And I tell myself that Every. Single. Day.

REJECTION: Wow, People Understand?

I ended up meeting a guy at the gym shortly after I was diagnosed and we started dating. A month in I told him I had HSV. His reaction was shocking. He listened, shrugged, and said, "If we get serious enough to have sex, I'll get educated. We'll just be super careful." Then we watched a movie. I can't believe I cried as I told him. I think he thought I was going to say something way worse.
We broke up a few months later and he said it wasn't because I had HSV. It must've been my personality I guess. Ouch.

What I learned is that if you don't get rejected because of herpes I guarantee you'll get rejected because of something else. Funny thing is, you might end up wishing it was because of herpes.

I KIND OF WISH I STILL HAD HSV: Not really, but kind of.

A year ago I hoped and prayed that there was some way my test was wrong. Now it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Thanks to HSV, I am more confident, less judgmental, more assertive, and I treat my feelings and my body with much more respect. I used to shy away from asking a guy for an STD test. What an awkward conversation, I used to think! Try telling someone you have an STD. That's a lot more awkward. I will NEVER put myself at risk again. I will NEVER let the fear of rejection dissuade me from doing what's best for my body. I went from being shy and quiet to becoming the strongest woman I know. Imagine that.

I HAD HERPES FOR A YEAR: Now what?

I think to myself...why should I get to reverse the past? Is it fate that I would find out I don't have herpes one year to the date that I found out I did? Why should I get to be "rewarded" for my positivity by losing what has made me so strong? Poetic justice? Will I be able to continue being the strong woman that I was up until a few hours ago?

I don't have herpes. All I want to do now is cry. What do I do now?

Thursday, August 18, 2011 7:05:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Thursday, August 18, 2011 7:05:00 PM

WOW!!! Amazing story. Do you mind if I give this story it's own blog post? I hope you are receiving responses to your posts. This is amazing.

Thank you for posting and sharing your story.

Luanne

Friday, August 19, 2011 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Friday, August 19, 2011 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger inLOVEwithLIFE said...

Absolutely. Post the heck out of it.

I just created of a profile/blog thing so that people can contact if they want to.

Friday, August 19, 2011 3:19:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

thank you "in love with life" :-)

We don't hear about that happening too much.

Luanne

Sunday, August 21, 2011 12:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi i was hanging out with some friends i though i could trust and went drinking with just a couple drinks and one of them put pills in my drink and i blacked out . i woke up the next morning in an abondended house remembering briefly what happened the night before . i went to the hospital a week later to find out i had GH . it took me two years to finally accept it but it just kills me that the guy that did it wont admit it ! i dont know what to do.

Friday, November 11, 2011 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger H-YPE! said...

Please feel free to remove this comment if you don't think it is appropriate but you may want to see how much work we have done to help the newly diagnosed back to a state of feeling like they are ok with their new little friend.

We have a website called www.h-ype.com which has been a great help to many people. H-YPE is an acronym for Herpes - Your Positive Experience. We also have a blog that you could check out at www.h-ype.blogspot.com to see what we are all about.

Sunday, November 27, 2011 10:46:00 AM  
Anonymous herpes dude said...

it sucked getting diagnosed but a ton of people have it but just don't admit to it.

Sunday, November 27, 2011 9:34:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

herpes dude, sad but true that many have it and don't admit to it. Thank goodness it's not a death sentence :-)

Thank you H-ype for stopping by.

Anon from Nov 2011 - I'm sorry this happened to you. Hope things are getting better for you.

Thursday, January 12, 2012 11:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to the doctor today to get tested for genital herpes but I'm am very sure that I have it. I am 20 and i have never had unprotected sex. I think that the last guy I hooked up with must have been carrying the oral form. He didn't have any signs of a cold sore, but I now know that it is very common and you can get it even when there are no symptoms. I never would guessed that this would happen. I've had the outbreak for about a week and have finally found the courage to face my fears. I know that it is controllable and that it won't kill me, but I am very afraid of being rejected by guys in the future. I am also worried about telling the guy I got it from. I dont really know him that well and this is a very difficult thing to tell someone. I'm not angry at him because I don't think that he knew, but this will affect the rest of his life as well. I will also have to tell my mom because she will find out sooner or later. I know that she will be sad and disappointed in me, but I hope that she understands that I wasn't being stupid or careless.I just never knew that I could get herpes if I used protection. I don't think that I will tell anyone else about it be ause I am afraid of gossiping. I am considering this to be a very private matter that only someone I'm in a serious relationship with should know about. In time I'm sure that I'll get used to living with it and I truly hope that I will find someone that accepts me. It won't kill me and there are many worse things in the world than a manageable skin infection, however the immediate stigma that comes to mind when I say the word herpes is difficult to bear. It is comforting to read these posts and know that I am not alone and that having herpes is not the end of my life.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012 10:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is the other genders response normally when you tell them i have herpes 1 and 2? Do they usually accept it or back away? Such as people who have a crush on you or you have a crush on? Sometimes i feel ashamed and disgusted with myself.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013 2:28:00 PM  

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