Do Fellas Need Herpes Support?

One of my commenters said this:

"I have been reading many comments from woman like me. Woman who are fearful, brave and everything in between but what I feel would really be helpful would be if we had some men post on here!!"??

It seems that there are no men who are sharing their stories.  We women want to know, from a mans perspective what would they think of dating a girl with herpes if they don't have it, how often do they tell their partners if they do, and what are the best things someone could say when telling to make them less fearful of a relationship with herpes?

It is with this information that I feel I could really make progress in understanding what the reaction of my partner to be will be and creating a "telling" story that fits me."

So if you're a man, reading this post, please do express your thoughts and feelings here as it may be helpful for someone else.

Common reactions and comments with herpes diagnosis

Read what others are saying when they reach out to meet others who are also dealing or struggling with their herpes diagnosis. Just realize that you are not alone. Feel free to type your message in the comments section and do it anonymously if it makes you feel more comfortable. I will respond as soon as I can. I'm leaving the typos as is. These are actual quotes and my comments and responses to them are immediately following. There are many where I didn't add any comments, but I'm trying to illustrate how many people say the exact same thing when they are diagnosed or have decided to deal with their herpes diagnosis head on.

Having my first outbreak, alone with it...

That's the very best thing you can do for yourself is to reach out to others who are in the same boat.

I have been on my own for two years now and I want to meet others like myself and learn to live and be with someone else again.

After your initial diagnosis, sometimes you need to have a good two years to get used to the idea, but the sooner you face this head on, the better off you'll be and the sooner you'll be able to accept yourself and allow others to accept you as well. Trust me, chances are, you will one day feel as I do, that herpes is JUST a virus.

I would really like to learn about the virus and upcoming medical advice.

You'll certainly learn alot by reading about other people's experiences and of course, they tell me that your family doctor is the best place for medical advice, however, sadly, not all doctor's are herpes friendly doctors. Some of them will lead you to believe that it's not really a big deal because so many people in the population have it and then there are others who are at least compassionate about your situation. That's what ALL doctors need to realize is that herpes, for most, is only a "big deal" emotionally. For many people, they don't "suffer" physically, but they certainly feel as though they have this dark cloud hangin' over their heads. And they shouldn't feel that way. So what I would like to say to doctor's is, if you diagnose a patient with any kind of herpes, please direct them to find a support group in their area or join an online support group as there are many both nationwide and citywide.

Need to finally accept and "deal" with this herpes thing.

Good for you. Sometimes, you just have to take the bull by the horns :-)

I have recently contracted herpes both oral and genital. I am 22 year old male, in the military and at college. I had sex with a girl on a fling and now have herepes I need someone to talk to

Trust me, you are not alone.

I am 36 and a female I live in California and would like to chat with others like myself. I was diagnosed 11 years ago and still have problems coping.

Don't feel too bad. It took me over 10 years to decide to start coping with having herpes. Mind you, when I was diagnosed, there was no such thing as asking questions privately about such a private matter.

i have hpv and i feel like im the only one... i feel disgusting

You don't need to feel disgusting. There are many different kinds of HPV, so hang in there. The good thing is that you now know and can deal with it. That's the good news :-)

I am seeking more information and a better understanding of living positively with HSV.

That's the best thing you can do is surround yourself with others who have herpes and don't be afraid to ask questions.

i have herpes and need help

I have just been diagnosed I am looking for some one to talk to.

Diagnosed with HPV & Genital Herpes. 46yr old female, 3 children. Survivor of Domestic Abuse. Also have Post Traumatic Stress

I was recently diagnosed with herpes. I would like the support of communicating with others who have faced this crisis.

I was just recently told I have Herpes and need to learn more about long term relationships with the virus.

I was just recently diagnosed with herpes and im only 19 and am finding it very difficult to deal with and i am hoping to get some help

Hang in there, you are certainly not alone in this as there are people of all ages, even younger than yourself who also have herpes. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to get in touch with me. That offer goes to anyone.

I have struggled with herpes and have found an effective treatment. My gentil herpes has not broken out in a year and some women with virus that causess cervical cancer viral count is at zero!

Good for you!!! That's great news. I personally haven't had any outbreaks either for years (2-3) at a time and I don't take anti-virals, suppressants or any meds at all for that matter. For me, I have found that by minimizing my stress level has helped to minimize outbreaks, even though I do realize that asymptomatic shedding is a real thing, so I still need to tell a prospective partner, but dang, I just wish sometimes that we didn't have to deal with this, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

Have had herpes for over 20 years now. Would like to participate in Herpes disscussions etc..

I was recently diagnosed with herpes and would like to know more about it and learn about other peoples' stories.

You can certainly find lots and lots of personal stories on the internet. :-)

Had HSV2 for over a year now. Looking to meet people in the same situation

I have HSV and HPV and need to talk to people I happen to have HPV and wish to speak to others about it.

single mother of 3 children---some "nice" man passed me herpes about 8-9 years ago..

Welcome to my world. Some "nice" man passed it on to me too :-) It happens that way more often than not. There are many people who know it and pass it on, and don't choose to tell, and are possibly ignorant to the fact that there is such a thing as shedding and then there are others who really don't care about us or they are possibly in denial about their diagnosis.

hi. i was raped a few years ago and i caught wat i think may be herpes. i havent seen a doctor yet cos im too scared and ive only just decided to do something about it.

You should definitely get this checked out. You can always go to the closet Planned Parenthood or city clinic and ask them to simply run tests on you for ALL STD's and make sure when you ask them, to mention that you'd like a herpes test as well. Make sure they do the blood test on you which can tell whether you're having an outbreak or not. You're not alone in this situation as I've read many times where women were raped and got herpes. It's unfortunate, but it does happen. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I am a 19 year old female and I have been diagnosed with herpes 1 month ago and am finding the emotional stuff extremely hard to deal with.

I have had HSV for 20+ years but only just learned about some of the facts. I have more to ask and perhaps to get involved in Herpes education for others.

I totally understand your situation. As I've mentioned earlier in this post, it took me a very long time before I knew as much as I have learned as well. I do appreciate the fact that Valtrex' commercials are giving information because I'm sure there are tons more out there like you and I who really, honestly believed that they would only pass it on if they were having an active outbreak.

attractive, middle aged man, recently divorced, with H, looking for a possible relationship with someone who has it as well.

I just want to meet people living with the desease, and talk to people who have been able to maintain a relationship with a partner. If this is something that we can work
around im willing to do so.

I personally have had herpes for over 20 years now and don't believe I've ever passed the virus on to another person. But there are no guarnatees which makes this virus frustrating for those of us who have it and scary to those who aren't sure they're ready to "sign up" to have it. The key is to be comfortable with it yourself before a possible mate would be comfortable. If your partner would feel better if you were on daily suppression, then it might be worth it to check into going on it, but as I've mentioned before, I've never been on any herpes meds and don't believe that I have a very severe case of it. Mind you, everyone is different and so is every situation.

Needing to hear others' stories and compare to my own.

Hi. I am 42 and a single Mom of two children. I have had this condition since I was 20 and I am looking for support.

I am looking for "H" support

I just need to be able to talk about my dx. Recently dx'd with one and two. Lied to by fiancee.

I was just diagnosed with Genital Herpes and I need somewhere to start with feeling like I'm not alone.

I was diagnosed with herpes about 4 months ago and would like to hear about experiences others have had.

Just diagnosed and feel alone.

I was first diagnosed w/ genital herpes, in feb 06. I would like to get advice, and how to date guys w/out there always having to be sex involved.

You'll still be able to have sex, you just now have to include "telling that you have herpes" as part of your getting to know you phase. First you have to get used to having herpes and then when you choose to tell, you need to make sure you are calm cool and collected. If you freak out and cry your eyes out, your possible mate might get scared off. Put yourself in their shoes. Just make sure you don't decide to tell in the heat of the moment. I firmly believe that if they are worthy of me, then they will be accepting of me. If they are just trying to get laid, then chances are they won't take it any further, unless you find out they have it too. And that does happen in relationships. Plus in any relationship, we all need to not sleep with someone right in the beginning, even if they do wear a condom, because heck, you might get something worse than herpes. Herpes is not a death sentence, so I'm very thankful for that.

interested in hearing experiences and obtaining advice

I would like to connect with others in my situation. (HSV2)

Hello, I'm afraid I may have recently contracted herpes. I have not been diagnosed yet but I'm just looking for some support. Thanks.

I am looking for friends in the herpes community

And believe you me, friends in the herpes community are some of the greatest friends you'll ever meet. You will feel so welcome in this new circle of friends.

I have hsv2 and would like to keep up to date on issues regarding it.

I would like to know more about HSV-2

I am interested in finding out about herpes

Hello, just found out recently that my partner is HSV 2+. Would like to ask some questions.

Good for you for wanting to know more about it. I realize this isn't something that you're ready to say "sign me up" and it's important to understand the risks. The good news, it's JUST a virus.

I am a lesbian with herpes and am looking for the same for support. Thanks,

I just learned today that I have HPV. I have been doing research on the internet, but I still have questions...such as how to tell my boyfriend (I'm going to see him tonight), treatments, etc.

I have recently found out I am infected with the Herpes Simplex 1 & 2 viruses. I would like some support in learning to deal with this devasting news.

currently was tested for HPV

My 19 yr old was just tested for genital herpes, I have some questions about the testing and the disease. I would like to join the group and maybe get some of my questions answered so I can help her

I've so glad your teen had the courage to confide in you. I wish more people felt comfortable enough to confide in their parents. I have never understood when people don't feel as though their parent's will still love them if they tell them. There are so many disfunctional families out in our world and it's really sad when children, no matter how old, don't feel as though their parents will understand and still accept them. I love my Mom and so glad she is so accepting of myself and my condition. She's proud that I have dealt with my herpes the way that I have, by reaching out to try and help others.

recently diagnosed with herpes 2

I have herpes and need advice.

looking for info and help!

Hi! New here and interested in seeing what this is all about!

I have hsv2 and would like to talk to others that have it also. Thank you!

Hey my name is XXXXXX, I live in iowa. I'm newly diagnosed and depressed and I have alot of questions and I want to meet new people

Hi, Im twenty and just found out i have HSV and i have been living with HPV for about a year now. Would like to learn more about both and talk to people in the same boat as me.

I have a friend that has had herpes and would like more information.

I have no one to talk to about Herpes

Let the internet herpes communities be your sounding board. We are here for you.

I have it and need help.

Just diagnosed with genital herpes -- looking for support and friendship

I was diagnosed with herpes less than 2 years ago, and I've never reached out to a group and I'm accessing courage in order to move forward with my life.

I would like to join a group to learn different ways to tell people that I have herpes and what it means I am newly diagonoised (3 months) with HSV 2. I am looking for information, support, and a place to relax and talk about how I feel emotionally, physically, etc.

You'll find that after a period of time, chances are, having herpes will be more of an emotional trauma. Generally, most people who are diagnosed with herpes, tend to have a huge, long lasting outbreak in the beginning and as time goes by, your body tends to get more used to the virus now living in your body. I'd like to think your body gets more immune to the virus and only actively surfaces when you are in stressful situations and of course, we all go through asymptomatic shedding and that's the tricky part about the virus is that you don't always know when you are contagiou

I have genital warts and would like to communicate with others and find out more

I think I may have herpes (waiting to be tested) and I'm looking for some support and info.

I am a 30 year old male living in NYC who was diagnosed with genital herpes a couple of years ago. I would like to join a community to hear what others have to say.

I got H a little over a year ago. I just recently told the guy I'm dating that I have it and things have been rough, especially when no one else really understands what it is like.

i have outbreaks that i found out recently to be herpes on my buttocks and back

i was given a diagnosis of genital herpes and i cant talk to anyone about it i feel alone dirty and useless i need someone to talk to

I would like to stay informed, with others in my area and other news/info as it becomes avail.

hi I'm a 45 yr old male in central california.I want to join to be socialable.To have contact with others in the same very large boat.

I don't have herpes but my partner dose, he's had it for a month. I care for him dearly though and I want to find out how to help and support him through this...

Had HSV2 for 2 years just trying to find out as much as possible. Thanks.

single again & would like to meet a lady with whom i can develope a relationship with the rest will follow easily

I am 22 years old and have just been diagnosed with hsv2. I NEED to talk with people so that I can cope.

I'm so glad that people are reaching out to the internet for emotional support in regard to having herpes.

I may have a genital wart and I want to know how normal it is for it to go away
and never come back.

I am new to HSV and am pregnant. I can use your support and resources during this time. I am very confused..

In a nutshell, you can still have a normal pregnancy as well as a vaginal delivery, even if you have herpes. As long as your doctor is aware, they can take precautions and advise you of the necessary steps you may need to take as far as suppression and as to whether or not it is safe to take suppression, etc. Seriously, talk with your doctor about your concerns.

I am a 29 year old living in Indianapolis looking for a group where I can share similarities, ask questions and read feedback about others in a similar situation as myself.

I have hsv and would like to read more about this and meet others with hsv.

I'm havin my first out break of genetil herpes & finding it very hard to cope. Everything i read is so negative i feel like it's gonna ruin my life. Want to talk to others who gone thru this.

It's like everything you read on the internet, some sites are positive, some are negative. You just need to learn about and meet some others in person. When you meet others who are in the same boat, you'll soon realize how common this is and that you are not alone and it's truly not the end of the world. You'll be amazed at how good you'll feel, surrounding yourself by others who have been there, done that.

well first off ive just found out that i have hvp, and it scares the hell outta me ! i cant tell my fam or friends and i have know one to talk about this kinda thing with.

I am so glad that you have internet access because there is a wealth of information on here.

I am a 30 year single woman recently diagnosed and has had my life turned upside down from this disease.

I got Herpies 4 years ago. I want to join for support, advice, etc. Sometimes I feel Ive got a grip on my situation, other times I know it effects me still emotionally, even to this day.

Don't feel bad, I think we all have our good days and bad days. And it's not always herpes related. Just remember that God only gives us as much as we can handle.

I recently found out I have herpes and am really looking for support and guidance during this difficult time

i just found out that i have genital warts. looking for a support group to learn more. =)

I'm 45 single parent, in march 2006 I contacted herpes 2, I don't know how I got this..I am confused and searching.

I have had HSV-1 genital for almost a year. I want to learn more about how to live with this virus and deal with relationships.

I believe I have Herpes and would like to find support and help support others.

I'm only 20 years old and have had herpes for three months. Its been really hard for me as a young women in college to deal with it.

I am newly diagnosed with HSV and am looking to join all the groups I can and get as much information as possible to deal with my new condition.

I was diagnosed with Herpes Simplex Virus 2 back in March. Looking for a place to turn w/ questions, etc.

i just got diagniosed with herpes

Contracted HSV about 6 motnhs ago. Have trouble dealing with it.

I am beginning a new relationshiop and for the first time since I was date raped and given herpes, I am interested in pursuing a relationship. I am terrified of telling him.

Health Educator and affected person

Im a single blk male looking to meet new friends who are in my shoes. I feel like im in a total different world now and looking to build a new network of people i can associate myself with.

There are many people and new friends for you in the herpes community. You might also be interested in googling "People of Color". Of course, as fare as I've ever seen, you'll be welcome in any herpes group, regardless of race or religion.

Hi, I am a 31 year old female and would like to meet a group of supportive people who share my problem and are dealing with the same concerns, fears, and emotions that I am.

I have been diagnosed since 2001 and I still have difficulty dealing with the change in my life

Recently involved with as H partner - looking to learn about the disease and methids for dealing with it in a committed relationship.

i have hpv and want to talk to people who have to date knowing they have it. Need support.

I contract hpv i don't know when. When i became pregnant with my first child last year i developed symptoms.

i just found out the i have herpies and dont know how to deal with it. i am married but seperated and my husband wants to come home but i dont know how to tell he i have it. i need help

I have suffered from both for years the hpv has progressed into cervical abnomalaties on cervix would like support and knowledge

I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes earlier this year and am feel like a group is a great opportunity to learn from other's dealing with same issues as me.

i just found out that my boyfriend has genital warts - i don't know if this is something i am willing to risk getting myself, but i feel that he could be the one i have waited for my entire life.

I was transmitted with the virus six months ago from a friend whom had knowingly given it to me. I'm hoping to help and be helped here.

I recently found out I have HSV-1 and am having a difficult time dealing with it.

Just diagnosised with HSV need someone to talk to..

recently diagnosed with HSV, feeling isolated and want a sounding board for sharing, questions, etc.

Hi my name is Katie, I found out I have herpes 4 months ago. I want to understand herpes and become aware because right now, I am feeling lost.

i have recently diagnosed as exposed to herpes - want 2 get more info

I was recently dx's with HSV 2, but think I have had it for a long time.I have been going thru dx for MS or Lupus (pain/numb) and think it might be related. Looking for others to talk to :-) listen.

I was just diagnosed with HSV and I am truly devastated. I feel like my life is over and I want to join in this discussion to see if I can ever be happy again.

Like to find out more info from actual people

i have been diagnosed with hpv and believe i have hsv as well and am looking for some support groups.

I just found out I have Herpes and am looking for support and any information I can find. Thanks.

i was recently diagnosed with hsv....and ive really been struggling with it...and my boyfriend.....it would just be really helpful to talk tolikeminded people.....

I need to know more information about herpes and hpv. I don't know if you can tell if you have it or not.

I contracted hsv 2 over 6mos. ago. i'm having a very rough time with coping and looking for possible support.

Hello, recently diagnosed and looking to meet people and gain knowledge.

i am new can i join. i want to learn more about hpv and how to better take care of myself. thanks

I am trying to find meaning in my life after my diagnisis.

How can I say "herpes is JUST a virus"?

One poster on a herpes support board, challenged me with this question.

This was my reply to her:

Well, I believe you're directing this response to me and if you will re-read what I wrote.....and always write....Herpes is just a virus to ME (I can't speak for everyone else). I am fully aware that herpes treats everyone's body differently and for ME it has taken 17+ years to "GET OVER IT".

I have shed MANY a tear, before I had access to the internet, a place to share my experiences, fears etc. I lived in denial for 10 of those 17 years, maybe not denial so much (because I wouldn't sleep with someone if I wasn't having an outbreak), but who the heck knew there was something called asymptommatic shedding?? Who knew?? and I certainly wasn't going to have an open discussion with someone when I would be sooooo ashamed....... OK, I could go on and on and on, but I won't. The bottom line is, Herpes DOES NOT define who I am. I don't have lots of obvious outbreaks andI might add, I don't NEED a man to define me. I am not on daily supression, in fact, I've NEVER taken a valtrex in MY LIFE!!!

I have had the pleasure of being a mom (13 year old son) whom I might add, I delivered him vaginally and did not pass herpes on to him. For me, the fact that herpes is ONLY a Virus to ME is huge, because I have many more pressing things going on in my life at the present time. High cost of fuel to heat my home (it's killin' me), credit card bills and high interest rates, not making 6 figures, but to be honest, I don't think it would solve any of my problems.

ALL of my family members know about the fact that I have herpes. I have told many of my friends that I have herpes and for me, telling people, saying the word HERPES out loud many times has gotten me to a place where it truly is NOT a big deal, nor is it a dealbreaker for me. Having this confidence about it, did not happen overnight, but only through time and by allowing those of you who are new to this realize that others can be OK about having herpes, should reassure you that in time, you too will get comfortable in your new skin. I AM NOT ashamed of it, but yet, I don't try to get too close to anybody too soon. I live with the belief that a friendship or companionship and someone who agrees that a prenuptial agreement is THE only way to go (there again, my opinion ;-) then I find it's NOT worth the hassle of being with someone. Sure, I'd love to meet Mr. Right and have him come live with my son and I in this great state of Pennsylvania, living in the country, being able to hunt and fish whenever and where ever he wanted to or just enjoy the peace and quiet of the night sky, but I'm not holdin' my breath!!

lol...sure sounded like a personal ad huh ;-) lolol So yes......I can honestly say that HERPES is JUST a virus to ME!!! You might not be there quite yet and believe me, I do have compassion for those of you who are where you are now, but what I need to remind you is don't let having herpes consume you. You need to retrain the way
you think about it, that's all. It might sound simple as I put it, but you have to convince yourself and get used to you before anyone else will be able to accept you for the beautiful spirits that you are, with or without herpes. Having herpes is NOT the end of the world. But it will take time for you to work through this process.

One day, you'll say Thank you, for making you realize that you too could get to where you are. I'm not the only one who feels this way folks and trust me when I say, WE DO UNDERSTAND, but it doesn't behoove you to keep wallowing in your own self pity.

Get over it I say!!! :-) Shit Happens!!!

Healing Herpes with Self-Love

I personally am not a big believer (don't believe at all in fact) that "medicine's" are of any value to me or herpes. This is the message which people who "suffer" with herpes need to be reminded of. Bottom line is, there is no reason to
"suffer". Especially because the suffering that the majority of them have is something which they have placed upon themselves.

The message needs to get out to people with herpes that they are not part of some marginalized minority. If you have herpes you are part of a herpes nation that is a majority of the population. It is common and normal to have herpes. It is becoming uncommon not to have herpes. It is long past time for people with herpes to come out of the closet and speak up about herpes to help educate the people who don't have herpes and to put a human face on this disease. The stigma only exists because of the shame people with herpes have agreed to carry. There is no need for this, no reason for this. Shame is not a product of love.

It makes no sense to me to be ashamed of getting a virus from an act of lovemaking or kissing rather than getting a disease from self-abuse or catching an air-borne virus from riding on a subway train. Some people do not love sex and therefore wish to denigrate anything that has to do with sex especially sexually transmitted infections. I learned a long time ago in church that true love is accepting and forgiving and inclusive. People with herpes are not lepers and need not allow themselves to be treated like lepers.

The truth is also that there is no cure for herpes and one isn't likely in our lifetime. So herpes is a lifelong viral infection. The truth is that most people who have herpes don't know it because they have never had a type-specific blood test for herpes either out of fear or lack of awareness. (Herpes tests are not normally part of a STI screening panel, so unless you demand one you may never get one) The truth is that people with herpes can be contagious even when there are no warning signs of the virus being active, so safer sex is something that ought to be considered. The truth is that a person with herpes who does not make peace with the emotional and mental consequences of having herpes will not be able to manage their herpes as effectively as someone who does regardless of how much valtrex or famvir they take.

Forgiveness. Some people with herpes are still angry and resentful with the person who infected them. I can understand this because I hear so many stories. So many people are infected by people who didn't warn them f their herpes status. Many people are infected by unfaithful partners. Some have been raped. It's natural to be angry and bitter when given a life-sentence like herpes. It took me a long time to let go of my negative feelings about my own infection. Everyone is living their own distinct experience with herpes. But I say most sincerely that sooner or later and I hope that it's sooner, there must come a time to forgive and let go if you want to be healthy with herpes. Hanging on to the negative feelings not only damages you physically and otherwise often causing more outbreaks, but it binds you to the past, which you will never free yourself from until you forgive.

Forgive the person who gave you herpes if you can. And if you cannot, keep trying until you can. But more importantly forgive yourself. I come across so many people who have herpes, who are continually punishing themselves for having herpes. They are angry at themselves thinking that they could have been smarter-full of regret and self recriminations. This is not love. Love forgives, love understands.

Be good to yourself, be gentle and loving and patient as if you were your own child. Forgive yourself and reclaim your self-esteem and self-love.

Do you love yourself? Do you really? If you have herpes and love yourself how would you act? Would you be ashamed of your herpes? Would you stop dating and deny yourself love and sex just because you have herpes? Would you be sitting in a vortex of anger and resentment towards the virus? Or would you life be all about love and peace and balance?

If you loved yourself- how would you eat? Would you smoke cigarettes and take recreational drugs, would you drink coffee knowing that it's a trigger for your herpes and bad for your health all the way around?

If you loved yourself and loved others would you practice safer sex with a condom and/or anti-viral gel to help protect your loved one/s from your herpes, would you practice safer sex to protect yourself from other sexually transmitted infections? Would you perhaps be motivated to speak out and try to educate others on how to deal with herpes if they have it or how to protect themselves from herpes if they don't, especially the young people who are just starting to explore their sexuality? If you loved yourself would you be afraid to warn your sex partners about your herpes status? The bible says that "true love casteth out all fear".

You were born with the right to be happy and to enjoy your life and your health to the fullest, having herpes changes none of this.

Dear Dr. Phil

My letter to Dr. Phil McGraw

I watched the show with Stephanie and the fact that she had been harboring a secret in regard to being assaulted when she was younger from her friends and family. At the end of the show, Dr. Phil mentioned "If you would like to share a story and to USE YOUR LIFE to help others, please go to www.drphil.com. I was unsuccessful when I typed in keywords "use your life" and found nothing. I searched for a separate message board on this subject as well. There are many topics which people out there are needing to "talk" about, get off their chests and not feel stigmas which have been attached by society. Things which people SHOULD NOT be shameful about. Society needs to be educated and realize what herpes is exactly. Too many people go through life, only learning about something if they have been impacted by it. I was guilty of that as well until the internet came along. I was under the impression that I wouldn't pass the virus along unless I was having an active outbreak. Well, I've learned differently. Did you know that 90% of people out there that have genital herpes don't even know that they have it because they don't get any signs or symptoms? Did you know that herpes is not included in the routine std testing process? Many people don't realize this and I feel we need to do whatever we can to bring more light to the subject.

My "use my life" topic is in regard to the fact that I have genital herpes and for me, it's a "skin condition" but the emotional issues and stigma's attached to it can be overwhelming, in fact I've even heard of folks committing suicide because they felt as though they would never be loved or be able to be intimate or sexual with another person. Over what?? A cold sore located "down yonder", but sadly society has said . . . it's not a good thing, but I along with a whole lot of other people have come to understand that having herpes is NOT the end of the world.

I encourage one of your staff members to join a yahoo group (which I personally help to moderate) for additional information and education on this topic, to understand what those of us who go through having herpes, dating issues, etc. The group is called Picking Up the Pieces.

We also have several members who are on Picking Up the Pieces, who have HPV (human papillomavirus). The site admin of Picking Up the Pieces also created a website which has tons of valuable information as well as true stories written by people who live with genital herpes and oral herpes (reminder: the common cold sore is herpes) each day. You will gain alot of insight by reading many of the true inspirational stories.

Many in the herpes community are ready to step up to the plate, be a member of the audience or one which Dr. Phil might possibly interview on stage, in order to help squash the negative stigma associated with herpes. I personally would love to fill each and every audience seat with people who have herpes, just to show the world, that herpes does not discriminate. It's time for a change and we would like to help others out there to realize they are NOT ALONE. We do have several members though, who have not yet gotten to the point in their herpes journey where they feel comfortable "outing" themselves on national television and that's OK. I know that the Dr. Phil show producers will respect their privacy. Everyone deals with and accepts having herpes at their own pace. I am proud to say, that by having this "Pick Up" board available to those who have herpes has been a godsend for them. If you'll read through the past posts, you'll see many people indicate how grateful they are to all of the information we provide.

We continually refer people to the "Updated Herpes Handbook" which Terri Warren is affiliated with and also answers medical questions about herpes over on WebMD. In my opinion, she would be an excellent candidate as a guest speaker for the show. Other people who I know I can speak for from our community and who would be willing to speak on the show, would be the other two moderators from Picking Up the Pieces, Gayla (who speaks to Doctors at conferences) along with Angela who is also known as yoshi2me and is a Patient Advocate.

In regard to celebrity figures who "supposedly" have genital herpes, I would love to see them step up to the plate and help to spread awareness. I believe it would be beneficial for all of us. The more we can spread herpes awareness, the better it is for everyone and anyone. I did a google search on the keywords "celebrities with herpes". I realize that gossip is gossip, but some of you on staff at Dr. Phil, might have already had interactions with some of these people in the past and might be able to approach them, to verify if this information is true and to see if they'd be willing to help the rest of our community. Coming from The Dr. Phil Show, they might be more willing to help the rest of us out, than we as an anonymous group. (Ann Heche is one name who comes to mind, along with Robin Williams). Mind you, I honestly don't know or even care if they do or don't but that's what the rumor mill has put out there, so I'm sure it's not news to them and if they can help others to "cope" with it, I think they'd be willing to speak and help spread the awareness. Who better than someone who has walked a mile in those shoes.

Also, I'd like to add, that Dr. Ruth, recently wrote a book I'm sure she wouldn't mind having some exposure on called: "Dr. Ruth's Guide to Talking about Herpes".

Recently Michael Vick, (you can read his situation here) due to his ongoing law suit which has been made quite public, I'm not sure how much light he would be able to shed on this or if he'd even be interested, but if he knew the herpes community was behind him, that would be a plus for him. I bet it would be good for him too, to be reminded that he was not alone. My big question to the gal who is trying to sue him is "Did she have her full STD testing done, prior to engaging in sexual activities with him?" Probably not, but in the end, all of us are responsible for our own sexual health and need to be aware and responsible.

People who are diagnosed with herpes, needs someplace to turn for support and yoshi2me has created a web page, linking to Herpes H Pals. Here is my personal contribution to the H Pal Program.

So there you have it. I've given you lots of ideas as to how to formulate an awesome show on the topic of genital herpes and to help spread herpes awareness which is needed very badly. This virus NEEDS to be talked about. In the end, having herpes is not the end of the world for me. I've had it for 17 + years and I have basically quit counting because I've finally accepted having it within myself. I am so much more than herpes and so is anyone and everybody else who might have it. Our internet community is vast. It extends across the waters as well in regard to support and friendship. There are support groups nationwide in almost all major cities where people can go for friendship and support.

Feel free to contact any of those people who I have mentioned above. All of these people have already put themselves out there on the internet and would welcome a new opportunity to continue spreading awareness. They will all be eager to help and all feel that not only Herpes Awareness but STD Awareness is vital to the health and well being of not only adults, but teens as well.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my letter and your consideration on doing a show on this topic. I'm sure you will touch alot of people who are living in fear and silence about this by bringing it to the forefront. This is my opportunity to "Use My Life" to help other people.

Sincerely,

Luanne L.

43 years old from Northwestern Pennsylvania