Would you sleep with someone with herpes?

You know, sometimes, we, being the ones who have herpes (if you are indeed one of us :-) have to stop and think about this. When we "tell" a prospective mate that we have herpes, do we expect them to just say, "sure, sign me right up". No, we can't expect that. We have to realize and think about how we would have felt, had someone said that to us prior to our contracting this minor virus. I can't even say disease, because it's not really a disease. It's simply a virus. So you ask yourself, "Can I love someone with 437737" or can I love someone with herpes and you have to decide if the person you want to love is worth the risk of having that stigma (which many of us are trying to break the stigma, along with Valtrex BTW). It's not so much the virus which is so horrible, it's the social stigma which has been placed on having herpes. Mind you, there are cases, different strains of herpes, which are relatively rare for the most part, which do create much more discomfort in those who have it, such as herpes neuralgia.

I write more about this in this section of my blog.

How can I say "herpes is JUST a virus"?

One poster on a herpes support board, challenged me with this question.

This was my reply to her:

Well, I believe you're directing this response to me and if you will re-read what I wrote.....and always write....Herpes is just a virus to ME (I can't speak for everyone else). I am fully aware that herpes treats everyone's body differently and for ME it has taken 17+ years to "GET OVER IT".

I have shed MANY a tear, before I had access to the internet, a place to share my experiences, fears etc. I lived in denial for 10 of those 17 years, maybe not denial so much (because I wouldn't sleep with someone if I wasn't having an outbreak), but who the heck knew there was something called asymptommatic shedding?? Who knew?? and I certainly wasn't going to have an open discussion with someone when I would be sooooo ashamed....... OK, I could go on and on and on, but I won't. The bottom line is, Herpes DOES NOT define who I am. I don't have lots of obvious outbreaks andI might add, I don't NEED a man to define me. I am not on daily supression, in fact, I've NEVER taken a valtrex in MY LIFE!!!

I have had the pleasure of being a mom (13 year old son) whom I might add, I delivered him vaginally and did not pass herpes on to him. For me, the fact that herpes is ONLY a Virus to ME is huge, because I have many more pressing things going on in my life at the present time. High cost of fuel to heat my home (it's killin' me), credit card bills and high interest rates, not making 6 figures, but to be honest, I don't think it would solve any of my problems.

ALL of my family members know about the fact that I have herpes. I have told many of my friends that I have herpes and for me, telling people, saying the word HERPES out loud many times has gotten me to a place where it truly is NOT a big deal, nor is it a dealbreaker for me. Having this confidence about it, did not happen overnight, but only through time and by allowing those of you who are new to this realize that others can be OK about having herpes, should reassure you that in time, you too will get comfortable in your new skin. I AM NOT ashamed of it, but yet, I don't try to get too close to anybody too soon. I live with the belief that a friendship or companionship and someone who agrees that a prenuptial agreement is THE only way to go (there again, my opinion ;-) then I find it's NOT worth the hassle of being with someone. Sure, I'd love to meet Mr. Right and have him come live with my son and I in this great state of Pennsylvania, living in the country, being able to hunt and fish whenever and where ever he wanted to or just enjoy the peace and quiet of the night sky, but I'm not holdin' my breath!!

lol...sure sounded like a personal ad huh ;-) lolol So yes......I can honestly say that HERPES is JUST a virus to ME!!! You might not be there quite yet and believe me, I do have compassion for those of you who are where you are now, but what I need to remind you is don't let having herpes consume you. You need to retrain the way
you think about it, that's all. It might sound simple as I put it, but you have to convince yourself and get used to you before anyone else will be able to accept you for the beautiful spirits that you are, with or without herpes. Having herpes is NOT the end of the world. But it will take time for you to work through this process.

One day, you'll say Thank you, for making you realize that you too could get to where you are. I'm not the only one who feels this way folks and trust me when I say, WE DO UNDERSTAND, but it doesn't behoove you to keep wallowing in your own self pity.

Get over it I say!!! :-) Shit Happens!!!