Please.....Do NOT Feel Ashamed!!
How ridiculous when I hear people feeling as though they need to be ashamed for having contracted herpes. I do remember at one point in my herpes journey that I did not feel as I do now and it's certainly a path we all have to take. For me, it was 10 years in denial, then 3 years of trying to "tell" someone which was totally emotionally draining, but I needed that. Then I discovered the internet and it's been all up hill since then. I have vowed never to sleep with someone again without having the talk and so far so good. We are all at different places in regard to "the grieving process".
A place where we all eventually, hopefully get to where we are "at peace" with ourselves and having herpes. I personally have finally found that peace. Attending the social gatherings, both on a national and a local level is the very best thing that any of us could do for ourselves and for each other for that matter. I simply can not describe how surrounding yourself with others who have this virus, empowers you!!
You have to go just once to understand what I'm talking about. When you leave a gathering or even standing around chatting, you almost want to say (or this is where I'm at in my journey) "I'M SO FRIGGIN GLAD I HAVE HERPES!!!" I have met so many wonderful people. And you know what, someday you will get to that point too, believe it or not. You have to learn to accept and love yourself as the saying goes, before anyone else will accept and love you in return. I find that the more people I tell, the easier it gets. Mind you, I haven't resorted totally to telling every single person in my life, but there's a time and a place for everything. Herpes only consumes my mind and time, because I want so much for the stigma to go away. In fact, there are times when I even look for the moment to open up the STD topic. You can start that topic with anyone and you don't even have to out yourself in the process. Just simple dialogue is all that is needed to spread awareness.
It's amazing how if it's a one-on-one conversation, they voice their fears and then I in turn say to them, but if you really really cared about that person, would you totally disregard them as a partner? It really makes them think. And if that's all any of us can do is just spread awareness, open up a line of communication, then that's a good thing.
I received an email from a classmate about a year ago and someplace through my emails, she gathered that I like to "spread sunshine". That really made my day that she was able to pick up my positive vibes about life. As others have said, Herpes does not define who I am. I am happy in life, love my family, love my friends and love meeting new people (which includes my herpes family too). I look forward to meeting more of us who live with herpes. It truly is a good thing which comes out of our shared situation.
I personally am proud to know so many wonderful people with herpes.
Labels: Herpes Awareness, Social Stigma
posted by Luanne @ 1:56 PM
4 Comments:
4 days back the doctor look at the blisters and told me that I got herpes. I know I got it from my hubby, but love him so much so I don't blame him :-). My problem is that I don't know much about this virus. I got first time in my life the painful blisters and went to the doctor. She said its not infection or pimples, its herpes. She prescribed me antiseptic cream buscopan plus and one cream for herpes. It was hardly 1 min check-up and then good-bye :-(. She did not allow me to ask a single question. the German doctors mostly do not have time to talk with their patients. They never tell you to what to do and how to protect.
Anyway now I have started reading your wonderful blog to get some knowledge.
One thing is not clear to me that what does it mean by "first outbreak"? Is this mean First time in life? and second time even if i get after 1 year its not first outbreak?
I am not native english speaker so i don't know. secondly we were thinking to have a child by 2008. Should I wait and do not get pregnant in 2007?
I am waiting for your reply, thanks!
Hi Marita. Don't think that it's just the German doctors who prescribe and send you out the door. They do the same thing here in the "good ole U.S. of A." Think about it for a minute, the title of my blog "Herpes is JUST a Virus" because afterall, that is what it is. *smile* It's one of those things that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you have it now and it's not going away. Eventually, your outbreaks will more than likely become barely noticable as in the majority of people's situations. In my opinion, you would be an exception if you suffered the same severe outbreak each and every time. It does take a short period of time for your body to "get used to this new virus" living within your body.
Watch your stress level, avoid sex during outbreaks (you probably won't feel like it anyway). You WILL be able to have children. Let your doctor know, study up on it. Find a doctor who is herpes friendly, someone who understands the risks involved with herpes and pregnancy. I delivered my son, who is healthy and herpes free vaginally without any problems. If I would have been having an outbreak, the doctor would have had me deliver him via a cesarean section, but that didn't happen. So as to "when" is better, 2007 or 2008 to have a child. Honestly, it really makes no difference if you have a child 9 months from now or wait 2 years to get pregnant. Do a web search for "neonatal herpes" and you'll be able to learn more about it. Don't let herpes run your life, just learn more about your body and how it acts and reacts.
Truly, having herpes is more of an emotional fear/frustration than the actual virus itself. The first outbreak is more severe, because in my opinion, it's God's way of letting us know that we have something going on down there that we MUST seak relief/treatment for and that's why we end up going to the doctor and then end up being diagnosed with bad news. Chances are your husband has had it for a long time and ignored the symptoms, and has since not been impacted by it. I'm sure you've had a chance to look at several other posts on my blog and find so many other topics on herpes on the internet. There is so much information out there. In the US, we all tend to get together to support each other and many of us have made many new friends because of herpes. For me, it's been a blessing in disguise.
First outbreak is the first time that you notice something is going on. That outbreak will clear up and you could go a month, a year, or even two to three years before you ever experience another outbreak. I've been living with herpes now for over 20 years and the very worst one was my "first outbreak". All others following have been mostly a slight irriation. Other times I thought that I might possibly be having an outbreak, it was something different, so not EVERY little thing which happens to you is a herpes outbreak. Hope that answered your question.
Good luck to you and keep me posted :-)
*hugs*
Luanne
though this is old i still wanted to say good for you. I don't feel ashamed i used to but now i just want to be accepted for who I am. I might have to find the social group you were refering to, i always said i would go to one but got scared.
anonymous from "Sunday, June 15, 2008 5:51:00 AM"
Although the posting might be old, the thoughts and feelings of those of us who live with herpes are the same, some have had time to heal, others are still stuck in a rut. Meeting others in a social setting can be such a huge relief. Where do you live? State? country? I'll be happy to find someone you can talk to locally, provided they have an active social group.
Good luck and thank you for stopping back....
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