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Monday, May 02, 2011

You've Been Diagnosed with Herpes.....Now What?

So you've been diagnosed with herpes and you're mulling over your past, your future, what herpes means to you, your gifter and all of the why's....  Why me?  I didn't deserve this.  I won't ever get married!!  I won't ever have children....

OK, so first of all, you need to stop with the pity party.  It is what it is and you now need to come to terms with living with this virus.
1. Why didn't he/she tell me?
It is very possible that he/she didn't know and/or simply ignored it. Sadly, many people are simply in denial and it seems that guys are the worst when it comes to dealing with and talking about herpes. Some of them have learned how important it is to be upfront and honest and many simply never had it checked out to confirm that they were carriers. Sad but true and that's why this virus can be so devasting because people expect the courtesy of honesty.

2. I thought they were "clean" and probably wouldn't have a nasty STD.
Taking an STD test has nothing to do with cleanliness. It's a matter of responsibility for any/all STD's.

3. I've told him that I contracted the virus, yet he said that we should keep it between the two of us.
I respect the need for only sharing the information amongst yourselves, however, he needs to realize and understand how important it is for him to be telling any prospective mate, to give them the option. He too will find that many people he already knows are living with this virus.  People who are in denial, need much education on this topic.

So now you have herpes, you're confirmed with it and now you need to move forward. You need to think about this in a positive light, because what other choice do you have? Please read through the comments and posts that I've written to gain an understanding of what you need to do for you and your integrity. Hold your head high and become familiar with how Herpes impacts you and your body. Herpes doesn't care what kind of food you eat, it's simply a contagious virus that anyone can contract. Even if you only ever slept with just one person one time, you can still get herpes. Herpes doesn't pick and choose based on your healthy or non-healthy lifestyle or a persons age.  Some people try to project an image of healthiness to cover up the fact that they may be living with this virus, but herpes doesn't pick on only the less than healthy people.  Many people don't realize that if they have a cold sore on their mouth, that that is herpes. People simply don't know or realize, they just call it a cold sore.

You can still get married, still have children. I contracted the virus when I was about 27 years old, had my son at 30 years old and he's a healthy young 19 year old man. I delivered him vaginally and he doesn't have the virus, so don't stop living just because you have herpes.   My OBGYN ran all sorts of blood tests on me in the beginning of my pregnancy, so they were aware that I had the herpes virus. Just communicate with the doctor and enjoy having babies. This is NOT the end of the world and as long as you meet someone who you connect with and love, and he loves you, then he will be accepting and possibly a marriage mate, but whatever you do, please don't "settle" for a guy, just because he accepts that you have herpes. Trust me, I just got out of a one year relationship where it didn't bother him a bit, me having herpes, but there were a whole lot of other issues with him which were not worth it for me to "have him around". He's still a great friend to me, but just not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Don't settle!!
And lastly, You are NOT damaged goods.  I know that in the beginning, my very first outbreak was the absolute worst, but they did get better and less painful as time passed.  I believe that your body should be comfortable with it and not react as frequently over time. For me, I try to live as stress free of a life that I can. I have found that every time I allow stress to come into my life, I have an outbreak.

Will there ever be a cure?
Not to disappoint you, but I suspect there will never be a cure for Herpes, but I believe a vaccine for those who don't have it might be something which will be formulated. I suspect that because herpes is not a life threatening virus, that that is not on the top of the CDC's priority list of infectious diseases.

None of us ever deserved this, but "it is what it is". Chin up!!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You posted this comment one year ago & I just wasn't to say thank you. I Just got diagnosed yesterday & everything in my life has been turned upside down. It's encouraging to see how comfortable & confidant you can be with the right attitude. I'll be looking for a support group and doing research on to best keep the outbreaks at bay. Truthfully for my first outbreak I feel like it could have been worse. My main concern now is for my girlfriend to get tested to be sure she's not infected. I really hope she isn't because she doesn't deal well with stress. If her test come back negative I could live with her leaving me. If rather her be happy without the virus. As for me, I just have to move on with life and accept my new reality. I know it gets easier with time. It's just difficult to deal with the sudden change. Especially if we break up.

Thank you again.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012 1:29:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to AnonymousApr 24, 2012 10:29 AM - thank you for taking the time to post. sounds like you too have the right attitude and good luck to you. Support groups can be the best thing you can do for yourself. Keep me posted as to how things are going for you.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012 12:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was just diagnosed with herpes. I have a 3 year old son n im paranoid he will get it. i have been washing my hands like crazy. i wanted to know how to properly take a shower n dry myself? And also do i have to wash my sons clothes seperatly from mine? -RR

Saturday, August 11, 2012 10:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello my girlfriend was just diagnosed with herpes, we dont know if i have it or where it came from. She suffers from depression so this is hitting her hard. Personally, i dont have any problem with it she is just blaming herself and im telling her it could have been either one of us. I will get tested this week to find out . do you have any words of encouragement i can give her, or how to help her?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012 7:44:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Saturday, August 11, 2012 10:57:00 AM

just wash your clothes normally as well as your hands. Herpes doesn't survive outside the body for very long at all. My 20 year old son has made it through just fine.
to anon from: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 7:44:00 PM

first of all, it shouldn't matter who or where it came from especially if it was innocently gotten. Is she positive that it's herpes? She won't die from it, it's simply an inconvenience, a PITA kind of inconvenience, but it will make her a stronger person for it. Good luck :-)

Thursday, August 30, 2012 12:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me tell you guys i was diagnoed about 2 yrs. ago and at firs t it was very painfull. I did not want to leave the person i was with at the time not knowing f he has given it to me or i had given it to him. I was determined to stay with him because after all who was going to be with me right? but unfortunately, everything went bad between us he went with other girls and i was too scared scared to tell anyone. Luckily, i found a great guy who did not reject me and before him i was NEVER rejected and did not pass the virus to anyone. Trust me it aint that bad but take care of yourself!

Monday, September 17, 2012 2:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was diagnosed just today, and I had suspisions but there was always only one single bump and I believe I was in denial but as far as dealing with it I'm going to give it to the lord and I wish the best of luck to all. Keep yo pants up its not worth it.

Friday, September 21, 2012 12:49:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Monday, September 17, 2012 2:36:00 AM

Thank you for your positive story. It's nice to know people have success. We win some, we lose some :-)

Friday, October 05, 2012 8:10:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anonymous from

Friday, September 21, 2012 12:49:00 AM

Hope you're feeling more upbeat about your diagnosis. Trust me, it gets better. It'll work for you, one way or another.

Friday, October 05, 2012 8:12:00 PM  

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