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Sunday, August 21, 2011

I Lived as HSV Positive for One Year - here is my story.

Here is an interesting story you don't hear happen very much.  Maybe everyone should be misdiagnosed just once to "walk a mile in our shoes".   Just something to think about.  Our writer has learned so much and expressed her feelings so well.

Here is her story:

Today I got a blood screen back and I'm NEGATIVE for HSV 2. I should be happy, right? Wrong.

On this exact date on year ago I was told I was HSV positive. (Weird, I know). I got a second test a few days ago and the nurse called me a few hours ago. I'm negative. The first test was wrong. For a year I lived with HSV, I overcame it, and became better because of it. Now what?


The first thing I did when I found out that I had HSV was order THREE of the best books on how to live with it from Amazon.com. (This saved my life). I then signed up for THREE online herpes dating sites. I got a therapist. I joined a gym. I read "my herpes books". I realized how stupid and insignificant it is. How it doesn't deserve this much attention and how WRONG and UNETHICAL it is to stigmatize yourself and others so harshly for it. [I cried when I found out and got depressed, but then I got over it.]


The people who perpetuate stigma the most are the people who HAVE HSV. Every time I read, "I don't think anyone will ever love me", I would wonder if that would be the case with me too. I would ask myself, "Should I be more disgusted with myself? I'm not supposed to be this positive?" When others hated themselves in blogs online, I felt like I was supposed to hate myself too.

SCREW THAT: I'm lucky I only have HSV.

What makes you so special that HSV is the worst thing you've ever been through? Every time I read a blog entry from someone who is sad about having HSV, I wonder...Why are you so perfect? You didn't get AIDs. Why do you get to cry over having HSV? It's not like it's written all over your face. A loved one didn't die. Your legs weren't just amputated. You weren't just told you have a month to live? You should consider yourself LUCKY that it's ONLY herpes. I do. And I tell myself that Every. Single. Day.

REJECTION: Wow, People Understand?

I ended up meeting a guy at the gym shortly after I was diagnosed and we started dating. A month in I told him I had HSV. His reaction was shocking. He listened, shrugged, and said, "If we get serious enough to have sex, I'll get educated. We'll just be super careful." Then we watched a movie. I can't believe I cried as I told him. I think he thought I was going to say something way worse.

We broke up a few months later and he said it wasn't because I had HSV. It must've been my personality I guess. Ouch.

What I learned is that if you don't get rejected because of herpes I guarantee you'll get rejected because of something else. Funny thing is, you might end up wishing it was because of herpes.

I KIND OF WISH I STILL HAD HSV: Not really, but kind of.

A year ago I hoped and prayed that there was some way my test was wrong. Now it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Thanks to HSV, I am more confident, less judgmental, more assertive, and I treat my feelings and my body with much more respect. I used to shy away from asking a guy for an STD test. What an awkward conversation, I used to think! Try telling someone you have an STD. That's a lot more awkward. I will NEVER put myself at risk again. I will NEVER let the fear of rejection dissuade me from doing what's best for my body. I went from being shy and quiet to becoming the strongest woman I know. Imagine that.


I think to myself...why should I get to reverse the past? Is it fate that I would find out I don't have herpes one year to the date that I found out I did? Why should I get to be "rewarded" for my positivity by losing what has made me so strong? Poetic justice? Will I be able to continue being the strong woman that I was up until a few hours ago?

I don't have herpes. All I want to do now is cry. What do I do now?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a woman. You could be 400lbs with boils all over your body and men would still want to sleep with you.

The fact that a man "accepted" you is not surprising. Men are far more likely to accept a woman with an std than a woman accepting a man with an std. Biology has given you a golden ticket in life.

Sunday, August 28, 2011 1:29:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

That is so untrue in regard to the 400 lb comment. Well, unless that's all the man wants is to have sex. I believe that if a woman truly cares for a man, that they too will be open minded to the possibility of contracting an STD.

So what's your story?

Monday, August 29, 2011 2:53:00 AM  
Anonymous genital herpes cure said...

It really helps to be bold after having herpes. The virus feasts on people with lot of stress and those who feel miserable about it.

It is very difficult to expect positive attitude form people who just found out that they are infected with herpes. But feeling positive always helps.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012 1:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This letter left me vrry confused. I've done numerous amount of research after being told by a partner that they had hsv2. I have undergone many diagnoses processes which it all have turnes out negative. However in truth I know I have it, once a year or so I have the same familiar outbreaks as my partner had. Even after a doctor had swabbed my infection the test still returned a negative. Trith is the.virus doesn't leave your system and you must still be very cautious when engaging in sexual activity. The test are known to produce false negatives and it is very hard for a doctor to give and concrete diagnosis. As an individual thats been told again and again that I am hsv free, although Id like to believe it. It is just simply not the case.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 3:40:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from April 11, 2012 - 12:40am - very interesting and thank you for sharing. I wish I understood more about how and why some result show positive and some show negative. fortunately, it's not the end of the world to live with this virus and I'm ok w/having it. It is what it is.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 10:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was the best post I have ever found about the "dreaded H" and not because of the false positive! I was diagnosed nine months ago and prayed for a false positive, my supporters encouraged me to wait six months and get re-tested. But as time went on, I'm coming to accept the diagnosis. It is what it is and I'm still me. Likewise, I was frustrated and annoyed by all the negativity online perpetuated by carriers.

I'm still in the process of coming to terms with the whole thing but nine months in and I'm feeling ready to start dating again anf have even signed up for my first HSV dating website, that's full of success stories. I'm *so* glad I found this blog and it isn't like so many others that start as a great idea that I discover by a google search, only to find the last post was in 2005! ;]


Tuesday, August 14, 2012 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Tuesday, August 14, 2012 10:50:00 PM

thank you - you make me feel good (little ole me) for participating in being someplace for those who need to vent, read and share their stories with others. It just reminds us how alone we are not in this journey. Herpes sucks, but hey, it is what is is and there is not a whole hell of a lot we can do about it :-) Cheers.

Oh and in respect to last posts of 2005, I totally get it. How much does herpes change over the years. Not much for real. You all keep me busy ;-) I do understand that it's great to know someone is listening, which is why I log onto respond from time to time :-)

Thursday, August 30, 2012 12:43:00 AM  

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