Telling is Freeing
I know how difficult it is to tell someone that you have herpes, but it's really something that needs to be done and can be so freeing for you the one who is dealing with this little piece of baggage once it's off of your chest.
Dating is an adventure on it's own w/out all of the extra things we tend to bring into a relationship with us. It's just another thing which we need to be up front about when getting to know someone (before sex of course) :-) It's never easy but it has to be addressed.
Keep telling, eventually someone will respect you enough for your honesty and find that you're worth being with. Staying calm while telling and not being histerical is also very important. It's nothing to fear, just something that if you're really not into a person completely, then it's not worth the risk of even having sex with them anyway. I personally don't tell too soon, because it's important for a prospective mate to know you for you and that you are not HERPES, because we are NOT HERPES. Also, it's not a horrible thing to wait for too long to tell (as long as you tell prior to having sex). The only horrible thing about it is that you could have another outbreak while you're stressing about telling.
So let it go, get it off of your chest and it will free you.
Labels: Herpes Telling
posted by Luanne @ 12:43 PM
11 Comments:
thank you for this, i find it very postive and helpful.
You're welcome K Lynne99. That's the bottom line w/dealing w/herpes and telling. You have to face it head on and just do what you have to do as a responsible adult. :-)
I echo your sentiments. Herpes, with all the negative connotation it carries, shouldn't be perceived as a negative label like leprosy. Many good people can live and manage with this virus and carry on with normal lives. It's a matter of accepting it and working with your health care provider to control it. It's never over for anyone with herpes. Read some of the stats from CDC.gov or seek treatment from the thousands of low-cost or even free std testing clinic across the country. Many offer counseling services as well. Help is always available to anyone who might feel at the end of their rope with this virus.
to anon from Monday, August 15, 2011 9:00:00 AM
Thank you for stopping by and posting. It's helpful to others to understand, it's "just a virus".
Luanne,
So I've been reading these blogs for About a week now. I did it....I told this guy I met may 4th. I didn't want to tell him so soon but I had to as we are very much so attracted to each other. I was diagnosed 4 years ago and have only had to tell one partner. So this was very difficult. I feel such a relief :) he was understanding and thanked me for my honesty. I will soon find out if he will continue to see me. But in no way did he make me feel dirty. He hugged me and gave me a few kisses and told me that took a lot of courage before I left. I just want ppl 2 know that yes it's hard to tell a person but in the end so much easier. I was so nervous and feel free for telling him. Weather he continues to see me or not doesn't matter....I did the right thing. If he doesn't want to its ok he wasn't meant for me. I just want ppl to know its ok ur not the only one out there dealing with this. I also want to thank u for this site And what u do. It has helped me tremendously.
to Marie from Sunday, May 20, 2012 4:46:00 AM
You did do the right thing Marie and I'm so glad you were able to experience that weight being lifted off of your shoulders. I know that I become a totally different person physically speaking when I actually tell. I'm much more relaxed with my sexuality.
So have you heard from him again? Hope it's all working out for you.
And you're welcome. I know when I was first searching for people to talk to on the internet about living with herpes, I always much more enjoyed the blogs vs. the technical websites. This is so much more a mental issue, I think vs. a physical one. Maybe emotional too.....
I responded to u on my other blog about hearing from him :( even tho I feel better for getting that off my chest I already feel rejected from him even tho he hasn't givin me an answer. Very depressed.....it will b ok tho. I have very much so enjoyed reading ppls blogs to then the technical stuff.
I'm sorry about that Marie, but now you know. As mentioned previously I'm sure, you'll meet just that one person who you connect with and is 100pct comfortable loving you fully :-)
Just came across the blog, so sorry to hear Marie's situation, I hope it's working out. I had the same situation to start, very nervous about telling but realised I really like him. He was great about it, thanked me for my honesty and also said he wasn't ready for sex, which threw me, I thought he was stalling. Turns out he just wanted to wait. We've experienced everything but the kitchen sink, if you know what I mean, together but he did state the other night his interest in going all the way . We're together six months now and i'm feeling much more at easy living with herpes and looking forward to a healthy sex life.
to anon from Tuesday, August 21, 2012 5:12:00 AM
that's awesome to hear your story. There is hope for all of us. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, I always get an outbreak when I have to tell someone, it's very annoying as I very rarely get outbreaks but telling someone that and then being like oh but I am having one now, kind of undermines that haha. I hate telling people, I have put myself off a few men because the idea of telling someone makes me feel ill. I have told only 3 people, two were fine the third has absolutely ruined my confidence and I'm still feeling fragile about it. I keep telling myself that even if I get rejected the world won't end so it's not really a big thing, but nobody likes rejection do they! I am dating someone now that I really like but the impending talk is already starting to bother me. I can't relax and enjoy dating until this info is out there. The worst thing is, having herpes doesn't bother me AT ALL apart from having to tell someone. I mean like the itching etc to me is no worse than if I had a yeast infection or something, but the stigma feels crippling to me. I'm sure I make it a far bigger thing in my head than it is to almost anyone else that I might tell but still. argh!
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