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Thursday, August 30, 2012

I fucked up!! I didn't tell.

Yep, me, the one who has been living with herpes for 25 + years, had sex with someone and didn't tell and believe you me, I KNOW BETTER, but I also know that I am human.  I'm sorry, I'm ashamed and at the moment, was being very selfish.  OK, so I've bashed myself enough.  Now my fingers are crossed.  Hoping that he doesn't call me and say "what is this shit"?  One of our biggest fears when we make this mistake of not telling prior to sex!!  OK, so you're saying, is all of this swearing necessary?  Umm, well, no, not really, but it's truly what I'm thinking as I type so to me, it's all good.  :-)   Again, I'm human.  Should I go to confession for my sins?  I think not, because what's done is done and it is what it is.   Herpes sucks!!  Yep, it sure does.  I'm sure if I hear from him again, I will then tell him, hoping he doesn't get really pissed or abusive.  Trust me, if I deem it worthy of a post, you'll hear about it.

Things happen.  I won't die and he won't die, but I do pride myself on striving for totally honesty and communication.

Damn Corona's anyway!!  :(



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its people like u that cause me to have this nasty thing, IT IS WHAT IT IS, it more then that, what if this guy past it on to someone esle and then more then one person, then its just being past on and on and on, and it does kill u, it kills u mentally and emotionally, it kills your future,your not that same person no more, he will be rejected. All because u were selfish

Sunday, September 02, 2012 7:06:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Sunday, September 02, 2012 7:06:00 PM

First of all, I'm sorry that you too are living with herpes. I could pretend to be perfect on here, but I am not, I am flawed, I am human, so therefore, it is what it is. There isn't much that can be done after a mistake has been made other than to deal with from that moment on. I agree, I was totally wrong, hence my post that I fucked up. I have since seen this person and I have told him. I did not want to tell him via a text, I wanted to tell him in person as I'm not ashamed that I live with herpes. Fortunately, he took it well. Time will tell if we can build and maintain a great friendship which is based on us, not our flaws. I suspect he's not perfect either :-)

I suspect you may say, I don't deserve to be with him, but you're wrong. I'm not a bad person, I made a selfish mistake and I've apologized for it. My entire life is based on "it is what it is" and that helps me to cope with life and I also apply it to my living with herpes. I was wrong but I'm done bashing myself. Will I make the mistake again in the future? Well, hopefully this guy will hang with me for a while, so for now, I'll enjoy spending time and getting to know him better. One day at a time. And I have chosen to not allow herpes to "KILL" me or my spirit. I love life and you will one day get there too. I hope so anyway.

Monday, September 03, 2012 3:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do understand what u are say a little but 25 year is a long time to make a mistake like that but who I'm I to judge, I hope to god I can learn to accept this this thing like u and say it is what it is, Im new to this nasty horrible virus that has ruined my life, I dont know why bad things happen to good people and I will never know, but how can I accept something that people look down on and will reject, I do love life and I hope my love for life will let me accept this and move on, but I doubt it, because I want to be loved again and I would have to tell someone my horrible dark secret. Because someone was to selfish to tell me what they had and made a mistake. But hey at least I didnt die right.......

Monday, September 03, 2012 9:10:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

omg -I just typed this huge response and dang it, lost the whole thing.....

Anyone, long story short, you need to get out and meet others in the same boat. Do you live near a big city? Just google herpes support with your city name. You need to be able to talk to others and be around others to realize you're not alone.

Please read my supportive strangers post which is tagged under my favorites on far left side of this blog. Let me know how things are going and you're right, you won't die :-)

Dang, it was such a huge post. I'm bummed. Oh well right :-)

Tuesday, September 04, 2012 10:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have had herpes for 20 years. It devastated me when I got it I thought my life was over. I met a man a year after I was infected and he accepted me. I married him just because I thought no one would ever want me. I am unhappily married and recently had a younger man interested in me who is married I thought wow some fun love in my life. When it finally came to the point I had to tell him I was rejected. It really hurts and brings back all the pain. I am on valtrex and it is working 4 me but no one believes that u are herpes free because it can be there without u knowing. This virus sucks why no cure yet!!!

Saturday, September 22, 2012 10:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See this is my fear, but I just came to the conclusion that I'm going to be by myself for the rest of my life, because I will never tell a man this, my sexual life end at 30, thank God I have 1 kid, I did want more but that will never happen I'm thinking about doing foster care. life is so unfair

Tuesday, October 02, 2012 12:31:00 AM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Saturday, September 22, 2012 10:53:00 PM

I feel and understand your pain and frustration totally. Why no cure you say? This is my opinion that because you won't die from herpes, then it's not a high priority on the vaccine list. It's an inconvenience, but one which can be devastating in a mental way almost more than physically. I agree, it sucks!!

Friday, October 05, 2012 8:29:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

to anon from Tuesday, October 02, 2012 12:31:00am

it'll get better and you'll learn to get through the "I'm gonna be celibate the rest of my life!!" You just need to go through the "grieving stage" and learn to accept yourself for the new person you are. We have to look at the positive or rather "find" the positive. I know it's hard, but that's the only way you can move forward in your life :-) Hang in there and give yourself time. You'll be OK :-)

Friday, October 05, 2012 8:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never had anyone reject me as a result of telling them I had herpes. However, I've dated people longer than I might have before being diagnosed to date people and feel out their intentions & character prior to telling. I'm the one who determines whether or not someone is trustworthy & worthwhile, not the other way around. If someone is truly interested in YOU, and not just sex, herpes doesn't matter. It's as big of a deal as you make it--if you choose to sit at home stewing about the diagnosis and choosing not to date anyone, you won't meet anyone, ever. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Get out there, and take the diagnosis as an opportuntiy to be more discerning about who you date. And, i must say in regards to an earlier post---if you're married, and you meet a man who's also married, the quality of character exhibited by both of you is far less attractive than a herpes diagnosis. Someone who's willing to have an affair isn't really the kind of person that I'd be interested in dating, herpes or no.

It's the way that I've learned to run quality control in my own dating life. I'm grateful for it, because I wouldn't have changed my behavior without it. (granted, it sucks and is uncomfortable every time I have "the conversation" but....it's always scarier to talk about than it ACTUALLY IS).

Cheers, thanks for the blog

Wednesday, December 05, 2012 1:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Gary said...

We all make mistakes, especially in the heat of passion. I’ve done it both ways. when I didn’t tell I felt terrible afterward and when I did tell it was a great experience. I have recent contracted HSV2 back in October. I told a former girlfriend after I contracted just as we were to have sex after a period of 6 months since we had stopped seeing each other. She was ok with it. We were fine and we maintain our friendship, but not sexually.
in the past six weeks I have met someone who could be “The One” I’m crazy about this woman and we waited 4 weeks before we were going to have sex. I told her the night we were to do it the first time. I gave here all the information I’v learned about the virus. She told me “its ok we will figure it out” we slept together that night but did not have intercourse Both she and i wanted here to speak to her doctor so we both felt good about moving forward. in the next couple of days it happened. I am starting suppression therapy and hopefully she won’t get it.
Th reason I am writing about this is to give some hope to those who are experiencing the same feelings and emotions I went through. There is hope. There are some great people on this planet who accept people for who they are and not for what they have, I’m lucky enough to have found one!!!
my advice is don’t rush into sex (the reason I got Herpes) if you would the relationship first and they get to know you , you will be accepted. Best of luck

Monday, February 18, 2013 8:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Andy Ramirez Blog here said...

Millions of men and women all across the globe suffer from this problem. Sadly, many of them do not know they have the condition. As a result, they do not seek an effective treatment or adjust their sexual behavior.

Monday, June 17, 2013 7:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently slept with someone without knowing that I had HSV-2. Once I found out I checked with him to make sure he gets checked without mentioning exactly what it is. I saw him in person and he was asking about it and told me that he secretly recorded our conversation and said "you know if I test positive I could sue you." I had no idea that I had it when we slept together and I think he's just doing it to scare me and be rude. This is all very new to me. I was found out I had it two weeks ago and immediately mentioned right before I got my results to make sure he got tested. I'm still getting adjusted to having HSV-2 and now he has me worried about the situation and is making it much harder for me to adjust. I feel very alone and slightly threatened by this guy.

Wednesday, June 03, 2015 4:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you still check in?

Wednesday, January 13, 2016 10:46:00 PM  
Blogger Luanne said...

I sure do. May I recommend that you google "herpes support" in your area and reach out. There are LOTS of other people with herpes who have become amazing friends through this journey. Join us.

Thursday, January 14, 2016 9:38:00 AM  

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