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Saturday, February 17, 2007

What I've Learned From Herpes

Life Lessons That Getting Herpes Forced Me To Learn. Some funny, some not so funny, but all true. I don't even remember where I got this list of lessons from, but I wanted to save it here. Enjoy.

1) I am not bullet proof

2) My vagina is not bullet proof

3) If I need to feel less alone all I need to do is some mental math on how many people in the room probably have herpes.

4) Sex without lubrication was never a good thing, now it's even less of a good thing.

5) Good people don't abandon you because you have a stupid virus and the really good ones offer you support that empowers you to be able to "get on" with things.

6) Telling a guy you have herpes in hopes that he'll finally stop chasing you is not a good strategy. What the heck are you supposed to say when the macho jerk says "you are worth the risk"? My advice, tell him from the start that you are not interested in him. (And as soon as I get up the courage, I'll do just that.)

7) Telling the exboyfriend whom you never got over that you have herpes doesn't work either. They'll tell you something like "I'd still do you if I was still single" and then you sit there wanting what you can no longer have since he is now married.

8) I have (well had, till it regrows) a grey pubic hair and a mole down there ... interesting

9) I can make my labia lipsync to the radio while inspecting for lesions... a sure sign I spent too much time pointing mirrors down there during the first few months.

10) Some doctors are idiots, some are good, some are great, but most need to develop a better sense of humor. I mean really, how can a doctor with a straight face suggest you try alternate positions for sex to mitigate transmission risks, then wonder why you are getting the giggles, and then look appauled when you ask him whether it should be you or your partner hanging from the chandelier.

11) If one more person suggests I eat more garlic/sunflower seeds, echanacia, flax etc. I may just scream!

12) Rootbeer floats don't cure a darn thing, but they do make you feel better for a little while.

13) My ferret doesn't care that I have herpes. He still wants to play with me and hide all my socks.

14) Eventually, looking for lesions gets to be very boring as a hobby

15) There is not a neon sign hanging over my had flashing "Get herpes here, free!"

16) I am not being punished, if anything I have grown as a person since getting this. How can that be punishment?

17) Helping others get through the shock of discovering they have herpes helped me move forward too.

18) Things do get better with time, and that goes for more than just herpes

19) The world is still spinning, and

20) I am far more than this virus, far, far more!!