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Monday, August 29, 2005

Meet people with herpes

There are many dating sights on the internet which provide a place to meet other people with herpes. My favorite is run by two people I have met personally and since they met have gotten married. I wish them well. Their sight has a minimal operating cost attached to a full membership. Check them out here

Cold sores are oral herpes

Is my cold sore contagious? First of all, what you are referring to as a cold sore is actually oral herpes which you can transmit it to another person, orally as well as genitally. Lots of people carry this virus, but prefer to call it a "coldsore" because it doesn't "sound" as scary. A coldsore is ORAL HERPES. That's the bottom line.

Usually if a person gets an outbreak of any amount of severity, it's usually their "first outbreak" which is sort of God's way of sayin' "Hello!!, you now have to become a responsible sex partner.

The morally correct thing to do in any relationship is to be honest and you must "tell" a prospective mate, before you engage in sexual activity that you do have the herpes virus in your system. Telling another person about something so personal can be very difficult for many, especially for those who are newly diagnosed. I have discovered that more people tend to "fear" genital herpes, needlessly I might add, because that equates to an STD and we were always taught to fear STD's, but it truly is not a life threatening situation.

The main reason that you need to prepare or advise someone that they could be at risk is due to something called asymptomatic shedding. Now you say, what the heck is shedding? I'm glad you asked.

Shedding: an excerpt from a website: "This is called
asymptomatic or subclinical shedding of the virus; giving off
the virus from the body with no apparent symptoms. The more
sensitive our virus detection methods become, the more
subclinical viral shedding we can identify. The exact frequency
of subclinical shedding is not known. We do know that up to
70% of new cases of herpes are transmitted from someone showing
no apparent symptoms at the time they infected their partner.
Research has shown that subclinical shedding occurs more
frequently during the first year of having herpes than it
does subsequently. This information may present difficult
emotional concerns about sexuality, and,unfortunately, there
are no guarantees for fail-safe methods of dealing with this
thorny issue. It is probably true that many people who have
herpes do have symptomatic episodes when they give off virus
but do not recognize them as herpes symptoms.

Check here for a great online herpes handbook to read for more valuable information.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Carp and koi Herpes in Chautauqua Lake

OK....driving off to go shopping today, my friend, who I've not admitted to yet that I have genital herpes, (we're not intimate) again brought up herpes to me, but this time (he's mentioned it in the past too lol and I'm thinking, how odd), he says:
Hey, did you hear that 20,000 carp died from the herpes virus in Chautauqua Lake?
And I'm like "Oh wow" and I'm thinking, this is too funny, I can't believe I hadn't heard about this. I couldn't wait to share this with you all.

Read the article on it It's really very interesting.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Should I be on daily suppression?

Valtrex is one of the most popular forms of daily supression taken by people who suffer from herpes. However, there are many (myself included) who do not take daily supression, never have and probably never will. After all, I believe it is something which two people should/could decide on together if they are that concerned about it. Herpes is not a life threatening virus (for the majority, -very few rare and extreme cases-, more on those later).

If I were in a sexual relationship, I might consider it if it made my partner feel better, however I have had sex many times in the past, some with condoms for protection and some without and I NEVER passed the virus along (at least no one ever came back to me and said "What's this"). Mind you, I suppose it's possible that because they were "exposed" to it, that they might not be affected by it until years later down the road. Those were in my denial days. I've learned alot and have matured quite nicely in that I will never ever expose someone to the virus without letting them know in advance. For me, it's totally an honesty issue in a relationship and shows a good line of open communication. I personally have no reason to waste my money on something which truly does not impact my life or offer any guarantees. I can still pass it on.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Should I date someone who has herpes?

Emily Marcelo, a columnist, recently replied to a reader in regard to: "What would you do?".

Here is the full story. I have made comments to the article below.

Dear Emily:
MY best friend has quite a problem. She asked me recently if I would want a guy with STD (sexually transmitted disease). I told her if I loved the guy, it wouldn’t matter and I would still want him. I honestly believed what I told her. But was I right? I do not want her to make a mess of her life. What do you think about having a relationship with a guy who has STD, specifically herpes?


Emily's reply:

There was a joke that went: “What’s the difference between love and herpes?” Answer: “Herpes is forever.” The way love comes and goes like a train in an MRT station, your friend better think twice, five times, and even a thousand times before going to bed with this guy.

Herpes is no joke and there are a myriad complications that go with it. There are no two ways about it—she will get it and she’ll get a life sentence even after love has flown away—if ever. Isn’t that tragic?

It’s interesting that you say it’s okay with you if your boyfriend has STD. If you absolutely know what herpes is and can still accept him regardless—I can only gasp at such devotion. But, remember, it’s not like your boyfriend is paraplegic or totally blind! Herpes is highly infectious. Depending on the type, it can manifest itself immediately all over your body like the fireworks on Independence Day. Or it can lie dormant for years without your knowing about it. And, once you have it, it’s yours to keep. That’s like playing Russian roulette all your life.

Unless you’re Mother Teresa’s clone and you got her forbearance for pain and suffering, I suggest you rethink your views on this one. You were possibly just being cute—thinking your belief will never be put to a test.

Yes, yes—love is something nobody can fully explain. Others are willing to die for it and many actually kill for it. But unless a guy is worth every atom in the herpes virus, you better think hard before approving something with such dire consequences.

By the way, if your friend asked you that supposedly hypothetical question after she’d gone to bed with the guy, what else is there to say?

“Take an aspirin and call me in the morning” will not cut it.

My response to Emily: How dare you spew such venom. Herpes IS NOT and NEVER WILL BE a big deal. It is NOT the end of the world and in fact, when a person is told that their prospective mate has herpes, they need to realize what a gem they have found in that person, because a person who has herpes and deals with it in a mature manner, only tells me that they care about themselves and others. Herpes is manageable. I personally have slept with several people in my past and never transmitted the virus to them and even with unprotected sex. It's people like you who create the unnecessary stigma which has been attached to it. The stigma which drives some people to suicide and for what?? A cold sore "down yonder"? That's just ludacris!!! Having herpes is NOT life threatening and certainly not the end of my world. I can honestly say that I'm glad I have herpes. Before you totally shun people for their honesty, you really should try to walk a mile in a person's shoes.


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Herpes Support

When people find out you have herpes or obtain the email address that you use for your herpes support groups, why is it that people have to make such a big deal about it. It's NOT the end of the world and things happen to all kinds of people. It just amazes me how people scramble to try and hide the fact that they have herpes. I mean, what business is it of theirs anyway if you're not sleeping with or kissing them. Chances are they too have the virus. Many folks have it and don't even know they do. Society is just so ignorant when it comes to herpes and I say "What's the big deal".

Another outbreak free day

Or could I be shedding? I feel wonderful today.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Dear Abby

When people write to you, requesting information about STD's and herpes, please help them to realize that 1 in 4 people have this virus and that they are certainly not alone. Their sex life is not over. They will not die from this virus and suggest that they find a Herpes support group or someone to talk to. There are hundreds of herpes yahoo groups online along with many herpes dating sights. They should not feel as though herpes defines who they are. The best thing that a person with herpes can do for themselves is to meet other people with herpes.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

It's cool to have HSV

It's so nice to be able to relax and be myself around other "herpsters" and flirt if flirting is in order and not feel like I have to "pull back" lol. If you've ever gone to a herpes gathering, I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from :-)

To the rest of you who have never gone to a Herpes social gathering, you really should go. You're first gathering with all of these new "strangers" will be real scary at first, butterflies and the works, and realize that all of us have gone through it as well. The cool part is that we all have something in common before we even walk in the door. :-) I drive anywhere's from 2 to 8 hours to make new friends and always look forward and always feel welcome.

The Bottom line is............

We are a group of special people. We are normal, everyday healthy individuals with something that nobody can take away from us! A virus called Herpes....

Alot of times people will have the feelings of guilt, anger, why me, if only I would have been more careful, and I think every single one of us have pondered that thought over and over, some for days, some weeks, months, and some like myself for many (20)years, but there comes a time when we all have to look ahead and realize it is not the end of the world, it is not the end of a social life, it is a new beginning in honesty, and being aware of what really can happen......HAPPINESS

Even though we have this unusal gift (actually, not really that unusual, just not talked about), there will be a day when you will be happy. So to all the newcomers in my herpes world.... keep your chin up, smile on your face, and know that we are all here to listen, help, advise, and if you need to ask questions, ask. There are plenty of us out in the world, who aren't even aware that there are groups like this. I look forward to them finding us! If I can say one thing on a positive note, if it wasnt for herpes we would never had the opportunity to meet such wonderful special people like ourselves!!!

Supportive Strangers

Nervous about meeting others in real time?

The first time I ever did one of these "meeting people via the internet" social gatherings, I was sooooooo nervous, but after the first time, I was addicted (per se) and my fears were gone. It has allowed me to be "bold" about meeting new people and making new friends with total strangers, because we all have that same goal, which is mostly to make some new friends. Someone you can talk to and not feel ashamed, if that's where you are mentally. You just have to take the bull by the horns and remember, we're meeting in a public place, so how "dangerous" could it be. You're also meeting guys and girls, not just a guy who might be "sizing" you up or vice versa. How bad could it be? Right?? We also have ladies nights sometimes and are willing to meet one on one if you prefer. Contact us.

You'll gain a different kind of self confidence by meeting others who've travelled down the same road, gone on the same rollercoaster ride. I am the type of person, as many others whom I've met in herpes groups, who is welcoming to anyone and everyone who is apart of our situation and who comes out to make new friends and I don't and won't judge you for any reason. I believe that everyone deserves a chance in life, so I won't and don't discriminate. You'll become addicted, because you'll find that we all have something in common and are so understanding of each others feelings and you'll find that being around others with herpes is soooooo refreshing. You can just take a deep breathe and realize you're OK too :-) It's so hard to describe, but trust me when I say, "you'll be OK". The beautiful part about meeting others with herpes is that you don't even have to "talk" about it. For instance, if you are drawn towards someone within the group, you won't HAVE to have "the talk". How awful, nervous or scared have you felt in the past when you really wanted to be closer to someone, but you run away out of fear of rejection? I know that I have done that many times in the past. It was easier to run, then to admit that I had an STD. We won't reject you!! We'll accept you as another person who understands what we've been through and we'll treat you with dignity and respect. (ok, so I love Dr. Phil :-)

Meeting in a bar

If you're saying to yourself, I hate going to bars, I understand that as well, because I know I've said it more than one time in my life. After a short while of spending time with your new found friends who also have herpes, you'll find that it's more like an office party. We have a little secret amongst yourselves and no one else needs to know. Kinda like two little girls in the corner talking about a cute boy and the boy doesn't know what they're tee-heeing about. It'll be our little secret, PLUS if you feel the need to "talk" about it, I'm more than willing to have that conversation, and of course I'll be very private about it and no one will overhear or know what we're even discussing. Have you ever been to an office party and had a wonderful time, in a bar. That's the best way that I can describe it. Sort of like an office party where you all work for the same company. Only difference is, we all have the same virus, but the overall concept is the same.

In my opinion, this is the safest way of meeting others who you've connected with via the internet and I feel totally comfortable no matter what the "occasion" is. Also, you don't have to drink alcohol to have fun, but on the same token, no one is frowned upon for doing so.

Members of the group look forward to meeting those of you who share this gift and understand the path that we've all taken. You'll find it's the best thing you could ever do for yourself is to surround yourself by others who understand.