PositiveSingles.com - the largest STD-single dating site!


Monday, May 02, 2011

Telling is Freeing

I know how difficult it is to tell someone that you have herpes, but it's really something that needs to be done and can be so freeing for you the one who is dealing with this little piece of baggage once it's off of your chest.

Dating is an adventure on it's own w/out all of the extra things we tend to bring into a relationship with us. It's just another thing which we need to be up front about when getting to know someone (before sex of course) :-) It's never easy but it has to be addressed.

Keep telling, eventually someone will respect you enough for your honesty and find that you're worth being with.  Staying calm while telling and not being histerical is also very important. It's nothing to fear, just something that if you're really not into a person completely, then it's not worth the risk of even having sex with them anyway.  I personally don't tell too soon, because it's important for a prospective mate to know you for you and that you are not HERPES, because we are NOT HERPES. Also, it's not a horrible thing to wait for too long to tell (as long as you tell prior to having sex). The only horrible thing about it is that you could have another outbreak while you're stressing about telling.

So let it go, get it off of your chest and it will free you.


You've Been Diagnosed with Herpes.....Now What?

So you've been diagnosed with herpes and you're mulling over your past, your future, what herpes means to you, your gifter and all of the why's....  Why me?  I didn't deserve this.  I won't ever get married!!  I won't ever have children....

OK, so first of all, you need to stop with the pity party.  It is what it is and you now need to come to terms with living with this virus.
1. Why didn't he/she tell me?
It is very possible that he/she didn't know and/or simply ignored it. Sadly, many people are simply in denial and it seems that guys are the worst when it comes to dealing with and talking about herpes. Some of them have learned how important it is to be upfront and honest and many simply never had it checked out to confirm that they were carriers. Sad but true and that's why this virus can be so devasting because people expect the courtesy of honesty.

2. I thought they were "clean" and probably wouldn't have a nasty STD.
Taking an STD test has nothing to do with cleanliness. It's a matter of responsibility for any/all STD's.

3. I've told him that I contracted the virus, yet he said that we should keep it between the two of us.
I respect the need for only sharing the information amongst yourselves, however, he needs to realize and understand how important it is for him to be telling any prospective mate, to give them the option. He too will find that many people he already knows are living with this virus.  People who are in denial, need much education on this topic.

So now you have herpes, you're confirmed with it and now you need to move forward. You need to think about this in a positive light, because what other choice do you have? Please read through the comments and posts that I've written to gain an understanding of what you need to do for you and your integrity. Hold your head high and become familiar with how Herpes impacts you and your body. Herpes doesn't care what kind of food you eat, it's simply a contagious virus that anyone can contract. Even if you only ever slept with just one person one time, you can still get herpes. Herpes doesn't pick and choose based on your healthy or non-healthy lifestyle or a persons age.  Some people try to project an image of healthiness to cover up the fact that they may be living with this virus, but herpes doesn't pick on only the less than healthy people.  Many people don't realize that if they have a cold sore on their mouth, that that is herpes. People simply don't know or realize, they just call it a cold sore.

You can still get married, still have children. I contracted the virus when I was about 27 years old, had my son at 30 years old and he's a healthy young 19 year old man. I delivered him vaginally and he doesn't have the virus, so don't stop living just because you have herpes.   My OBGYN ran all sorts of blood tests on me in the beginning of my pregnancy, so they were aware that I had the herpes virus. Just communicate with the doctor and enjoy having babies. This is NOT the end of the world and as long as you meet someone who you connect with and love, and he loves you, then he will be accepting and possibly a marriage mate, but whatever you do, please don't "settle" for a guy, just because he accepts that you have herpes. Trust me, I just got out of a one year relationship where it didn't bother him a bit, me having herpes, but there were a whole lot of other issues with him which were not worth it for me to "have him around". He's still a great friend to me, but just not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Don't settle!!
And lastly, You are NOT damaged goods.  I know that in the beginning, my very first outbreak was the absolute worst, but they did get better and less painful as time passed.  I believe that your body should be comfortable with it and not react as frequently over time. For me, I try to live as stress free of a life that I can. I have found that every time I allow stress to come into my life, I have an outbreak.

Will there ever be a cure?
Not to disappoint you, but I suspect there will never be a cure for Herpes, but I believe a vaccine for those who don't have it might be something which will be formulated. I suspect that because herpes is not a life threatening virus, that that is not on the top of the CDC's priority list of infectious diseases.

None of us ever deserved this, but "it is what it is". Chin up!!

Labels: , ,

HERPES!!! Say it Out Loud to Yourself....

You know, one of the most important things that I have said to people over the years, which has been extremely helpful to me as well in regard to having "the talk", is to get used to saying and hearing the word herpes yourself.  In my opinion, that is the first step in taking control of living with the virus and having to verbalize the word to a prospective mate. 

It was funny, the other night I told a prospective mate while we were riding in the car, private from wandering ears (ie: not in a bar  :-)   It was difficult to admit to say it, even with all of the practice that I've had,  but fortunately, he brought up the subject first of his life, living with Hepatitis B.  It was amazing how similiarly these two viruses can be contracted, but yet how different they are as well.  He has the attitude, as do I, it is what it is and although, hepatitis may be what sends him to his grave, herpes will not.  As I was telling him, I thought back to myself that I have said herpes out loud numerous times and so glad that I did, because it's not so hard for me to hear the words myself anymore.

Trust me, say that word outloud to yourself and get comfortable hearing the words come from your own mouth.  I can't quite express how or why that has worked for me, but others have even come back to me, saying how helpful that suggestion has been to them.

HERPES, HERPES, HERPES........say it out loud to yourself....  it's a freeing feeling....  Good luck.

Labels: ,