PositiveSingles.com - the largest STD-single dating site!


Sunday, June 18, 2006

Risk, Transmission and Acceptance

Is one gender of sex more likely to transmit the herpes virus than the other? What are the chances of women passing herpes more frequently to a man? Herpes is herpes to me. Some people claim that because a woman's genital's are more moist that they are more susceptible of passing this virus on, but I honestly don't believe it has anything to do with moistness. Other's believe just the opposite. I believe that everyone is different and that not everyone's frequency of outbreaks and transmission in regard to shedding are the same. I believe that herpes is not gender specific in regard to how often a person sheds.

So the doctor tells you that you now have herpes and in your in shock. What are one of the first questions you have for them? What are the chances of passing this on? You scour the internet for hours, trying to find the answer to your question.

The bottom line is that there is always a risk, no matter what we do to prevent transmission. That's the messed up part about having genital herpes or oral herpes for that matter. Some people spend hours and hours, researching to find solid numbers, so that they can basically sugar coat it when it comes time to tell their partner that they have herpes. They also want numbers so that they can determine within themselves if they really need to "tell" or "expose themselves" and their lovely little gift. I can't say as I blame them, as it is not an easy thing to tell someone, but it's the right thing to do because of the lack of suredness as to if you're contagious or not. The way I see it, is if your perspective partner is still willing to be with you and you've provided them with the hard facts, then you must remember that they are aware that they may get genital herpes from you. If they're willing to accept and love you for the person you are, then they are willing to accept the risk of getting herpes themselves. Same thing as you could be on "the pill" and it's still possible to get pregnant. At some point, I think it's necessary for folks to move on after they find out the answers to their questions and just deal with it. Acceptance for yourself doesn't happen overnight. As with everything else in life, it takes time to get used to this new fact about your new life living with herpes.

Remember, there are no guarantees in life. What else can you do but live an honest life and communicate with your partner. That's all that anyone can expect from us.

It's human nature if they feel better knowing that they have a 92-96% chance of not acquiring herpes from you than just being told well you may or you may not get this? How could you possibly ever enjoy sex again with your partner if you never had any reassurance at all about this virus? If you thought you were constantly shedding the virus and your partner was doomed to get it no matter what it would make it very hard to let go and enjoy the pleasures that sex can provide in a long term relationship. We all know your partner isn't doomed to get it. Taking precautions do
really work. We know that women are more likely to get the virus from their partners than males are. The more you read about herpes and educate yourself the more you will understand which risks are higher risks than others and how to handle having this virus better. Basically, the more outbreaks you have, the more active the virus is, the more it is shedding and the more likely you are to pass on the virus to your partner with or without obvious lesions. The less outbreaks you have the less likely you are to pass on the virus. If you are having monthly outbreaks, than the risk of your partner getting it from you is not going to fall within the 4-8% category, it will be higher. If you have never had a noticeable outbreak then your partner's risk is lower. So basically, you need to really be in touch with your herpes and how your body reacts to it. Over time, many people's outbreaks lessen to fewer and fewer outbreaks, so it takes time to get to know your body and how it reacts.

Some people firmly believe that being on daily suppressive therapy with valtrex reduces their partner's risk by 50% which means a lot to them, because 50% is 50%
whether you are shedding 80 days a year or 5 days a year. I personally don't obsess about my herpes, even though it is a big part of my life in that it has limited my sexual activity, but I believe it's truly a blessing in disguise.

Those who are on daily suppression, take comfort in knowing that the precautions they are taking have a real effect on the chances of not passing this virus onto their partner. As long as they understand that they might pick up the virus anyway, regardless of what precautions the two of you are taking, then they must believe you are worth the risk. Meanwhile, knowing they've lowered their risk is something both partners can feel good about. We all want to know the risks for everything else about your body and illness so why wouldn't we want to know them about herpes too?

Labels: ,

Herpes Heroes

The is only a one letter difference between the words herpes and
heroes, and the letters p and o are only one letter apart, which means
that no two words can be closer than herpes and heroes.

The world needs more herpes heroes both for those of us with "the
gift" and for those lucky 40% of the population who don't have

A herpes hero is someone who willingly foregoes their privacy to
publicly be identified as a person with herpes and speaks out in order
to educate, encourage and enlighten others. A herpes hero helps put
human faces on this often-faceless worldwide pandemic.

Not all herpes heroes will choose to take their message to the media,
most herpes heroes are making a difference on a much more personal
level. They have come out of the closet and have discussed herpes with
friends and loved ones and have been like ripples in the water of their
own communities.

Why do we need herpes heroes?

Those of us with herpes need herpes heroes because too many of us are
living ashamed and stigmatized by the disease. Having herpes heroes
lets us know we are not alone, not in the minority. We are 6 out of
every 10 people. We are our own nation. But we are a nation without
visibility, respect or power.

In this society you are only respected when you stand up for who you
are and what you believe in. Herpes heroes believe that it is wrong for
people with herpes to be made to feel stigmatized, ashamed and

Both the infected and uninfected need herpes heroes to speak out and
dispel the misinformation about herpes and speak the truth about this
misunderstood disease, especially to the youth. We need herpes heroes
to also help promote safer sex. We need herpes heroes to encourage
anyone who thinks they don't have herpes and who has had six sex
partners or more to get a blood test for herpes since 70% or more of
people with herpes don't know they have it. We cannot rely on
governments, the medical profession, drug companies, or the media to
get the message out.

I am not suggesting that everyone who has herpes needs to become an
activist and make their herpes status public. Every community needs it
leaders. We need a small number of brave people who care to step up and
make a difference.

There are no major charities raising money for herpes awareness. There
are no celebrities famous or not so famous, willing to admit they have
herpes and put a human face on the disease. So it's up to few of us
to do more. Each one teach one, each one reach one.

Christopher Scipio
Holistic Viral Specialist
Christopher's Weblog

Luanne's comments:


Woo hoo!!! I think we have a winner. You are so brilliant :-) Your concept is RIGHT ON!!!

After having had a lengthy phone conversation recently with Christopher in regard to Herpes Awareness, I felt that this was a wonderful twist on words. What we would like to do is put out a challenge to "celebrities with herpes". We are looking for a celebrity to be a spokesperson for this virus. We are challenging those "celebrities with herpes" to step forward and humanize this virus. The millions of people who are diagnosed with herpes suffer more emotionally than physically for the most part and why should they? It's so ridiculous that those of us living with herpes should have to feel ashamed for having this virus. We won't die from it, but it also shouldn't have such a dreaded or dirty stigma attached to it and it does. The majority of us didn't even know we were signing up for it when we got it and chances are, the ones who gave us this lovely gift had no idea they were even carriers, because you can have it and not even know you have herpes. Of course, sadly there are many people who have this gift and simply don't know enough about it to realize that they could be shedding asymptomatically and passing it on. Many people, myself included, before I learned more about it, assumed that we couldn't pass it on unless we were having an obvious outbreak, but we were wrong. So we believed that if we were having an outbreak that it wasn't necessary to have "the talk" with our sexual partner, that we would simply abstain from sexual relations. I mean, who wants to admit to it, it's not an easy thing but it's the right thing.

So I'm calling out to the Magic Johnson's of the world who might be living in silence or even shame with oral and genital herpes. Please step forward and help those of us who simply want to show the world that even "pretty people" can get this virus. So many people have even considered suicide as a way of coping with their herpes diagnosis and WHY??!! Short of putting the rumored names of celebrities who are "supposedly" living with oral or genital herpes, here in my blog, I encourage you to REACH OUT TO US, to those of us who are wanting to squelch the stigma, to help others realize how common this virus is and that they too might even be carriers and not even know it. I'm sure we could even help those of you who might be hiding behind cesarean sections and papparazi photo's of you sporting a coldsore to let that weight be dropped from your shoulders as well. We're all people and we're all in this boat together. Herpes is what it is and why be ashamed. Life is too short and it's "JUST" a virus to me. Together, we CAN make a difference. Do some good for those who are suffering needlessly. There are many people who would appreciate your support.

Read my letter to Dr. Phil McGraw (still waiting to hear back from his producers).


US circumcisers allowed to suck again

No offense to those in the Jewish community but this is just gross to me. I'm sure there is a long history and meaning behind this practice, but it just makes me cringe when I read about this being permitted again. Freedom of Religion, what a wonderful thing (tongue in cheek).

Here is the article:

Year-and-half ban on oral suction of baby's penis during circumcision lifted, after rabbis agree to adopt new hygiene rules by: Haim Levinson

Controversy resolved: New York ultra-Orthodox rabbis signed an agreement with the State's health commissioner allowing them to perform the traditional oral suction ritual during circumcisions. This puts an end to a year-and-a-half long strife over a ban on performing this ritual, imposed due to severe health hazards.

In the haredi Judaism, it is customary for the mohel (circumciser) to suck the blood from the baby's penis immediately after the bris (circumcision). In more modern communities, the mohel sucks the blood using a straw.

About a year-and-a-half ago, health authorities in the United States prohibited circumcisers from sucking the blood with their mouth, following seven cases in which babies contracted herpes as a result of the ritual. One baby passed away, and another one sustained brain damage.

During the last five months, American rabbis and Commissioner of Health for the State of New York Antonia Novello, have been involved in intense negotiations, in the course of which "they learned a lot about science, and I studied some Talmud," Novello said.

Israel authorities prefer use of straw.

According to the new regulations stipulated in the agreement, circumcisers will have to exercise the hygiene rules enforced on surgeons: They will have to remove all jewelries before performing the suction, clean their nails and wash their hands with an alcohol-based solution under running water for six minutes. In addition, they will have to wash their mouth with a disinfectant solution that contains 25 percent alcohol for 30 seconds.

Mohels will also have to report if they have herpes, and any circumciser infected with the disease will have his license revoked.

It's not the best solution, but it's better than the way it was before, Novello concluded.

Meanwhile in Israel, the Health Ministry recommends that parents opt for suction through a straw over oral suction. "Every mohel is required to inform the parents if he plans to perform oral suction or use the preferred alternative – a tube," the Ministry reported.


Labels: , ,